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lntroverted Kids—Myers Briggs Types

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According to the Myers Briggs system of classifying personalities, introverted children come in eight types. The only trait that runs as a constant thread through all types is Introversion (I). The others are Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F), and Perceiving (P) vs. Judging (J).

ISTJ—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Judging (J)

ISTJ children are reserved and responsible. They’re sincere and systematic in whatever they undertake. They function well in stable structures, where they know what’s expected of them.  They are happiest in a comfortable school setting and an orderly family. They are cautious in unfamiliar social settings where they meet new people. They’d rather spend time with friends, whom they’ve selected carefully. “Slow and steady” and “Work before play” are their mottoes

ISTP—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P)

ISTPs are flexible and action-oriented children. They are great observers and enjoy figuring out how things work.  Their curiosity drives them to gather details of particular subjects in which they’re involved, such as bugs, bicycles, dolls, etc. A girl who gets a drone as a gift may well develop a longstanding interest in airplanes and other devices that fly. They enjoy sharing detailed information about their hobbies, especially with other hobbyists. They take note of the differences between what people say and what they actually do.

ISFJ—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Feeling (F), Judging (J)

ISFJ children are hardworking, loyal, conscientious, and service-oriented. Rarely are they a problem for their teachers and parents. ISFJs shy away from conflict and try to keep the peace at all costs. Because they like to please grownups, they’re often seen as perfect children. Routine and security are important to them. They want to know who will be at home when they arrive from school, whom they’ll play with, and so on. Frequently they are worriers. Because they are so introverted, it may not occur to them to share their problems with others. They have a few close friends, whom they may keep for years.

ISFP—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Feeling (F), Perceiving (P)

ISFP children are quiet, pleasant and kind. They tend to have a number of friends because they are easy to like. They notice the feelings of others. When there is disharmony among their friends, and they try to restore peace. They notice what pleases others and often make gifts for people they like especially. They are very often aware of the sensations in their bodies and for this reason may enjoy pastimes such as dancing and ice-skating. They’re oriented toward deeply felt personal values and thus may find themselves outside certain popular social groups.

 

INFJ—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (F), Judging (J)

INFJ have two sides. On the one hand, they have a strong need for privacy, often spending long hours reading. Onthe other, they enjoy creative play with their friends—building snow forts, playing store, and so on. Solitude gives them a chance to think about the things most important to them. They have strong values, abhorring violence, and cruelty. They are quietly firm about their convictions, stepping to the fore only when no one else will. Gifted with words, they write well and when they do speak out, they’re eloquent. They have no fear.

INTP—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P)

INTP children create fantasy worlds that they dream about. They’re immersed in their thoughts and books. Their parents sometimes worry whether they’re in touch with reality.F

This type of child often turns out to be adept at verbal communication, especially in writing. In new situations, they are reserved often to the point of being reluctant to give their names. They prefer relying on their own intuition and judgment rather than taking advice from others. Early on, they decide what’s important to them.

INTP—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (F), Perceiving (P)

INFPs often amuse themselves with their private thoughts and fantasies rather get involved in the company of others. After moving to a new neighborhood, many will stay indoors and read rather than go out and make friends. When they do venture out, their circle is small. It’s where they feel most comfortable. Once they relax, they can make creative, amusing companions. While they make a welcome addition to a group, their own perception is often that they are “the odd man out.”

INFPs depend on themselves for answers to important questions. If they make mistakes, they are reluctant to admit them. They have firm value systems, which they refuse to bend. If the others choose to, that’s fine. Because of their outward gentleness, they will not make a big deal out of it.

INTJ—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Judging (J)

The independent nature of INTJs appears early in life. As children, they enjoy thinking about the way the world ought to be. They can be resistant to what authorities tell them when it contradicts what they believe. They like to establish their own rules and guidelines. The life of the mind is critical to their sense of who they are. They get involved in social activities only if they serve a particular purpose for them. The search for meaning and knowledge is what’s most important.

 

INTP—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P)

As children, INTPs are inwardly focused, often enjoying their own company more than shared activities. They enjoy fantasies, mysteries and creative stories. Their style of entertaining themselves may be much different from that of most children. 

They think about life and the natural world in a questioning, exploratory way (“Why is the moon broken?” one boy asked his grandmother.) Often gentle and soft-spoken in appearance and manner, INTPs can be hard and aggressive when defending a truth. They are at their best developing complicated ideas.

 

 

Sexual Harassment—What Is It?

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With the wide range of media stories about famous men losing their jobs because of sexual harassment, you may ask yourself, “What is sexual harassment, anyhow?” Stories of sexual harassment are everywhere these days, but to date they have been largely confined to men as the perpetrators and females as their victims. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) defines sexual harassment as “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, interferes with an individual’s work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.”

The offense may be hard to identify in its milder forms. If your supervisor says, “You look pretty today!” and the overtures do not escalate, is that borderline harassment? Probably not. But when compliments become more obvious, the incidents are usually preparatory.  Borderline compliments and innuendos are the hallmarks of the sexual harassment in progress.

Slippery Slope

The slippery slope of sexual harassment usually begins with questions such as, “I see you’re wearing a wedding ring.” ”How long have you been married?” “How do you like married life?” Violators also have a tendency to offer personal revelations about themselves that are inappropriate to a work setting.

Many women feel flattered to be offered such private information, little realizing that it’s part of a setup. The next step may be seemingly innocent touches that qualify as borderline violations. Generally, any intimate moves that embarrass or anger women fall into this category. Most men are cautious at first, testing the waters to see how safe it is to proceed.

The next step usually involves touching the woman’s skin or her garments. If permitted, the man may touch her hands, arms or face. He may, seemly by accident, brush against a woman’s breasts. He may jokingly pinch her bottom, acting as though it’s all in fun. If the move makes a woman uncomfortable, embarrassed or angry, the chances are it’s sexual harassment. Ordinarily, people are quite aware of their body language. How many women would brush against a man’s groin by accident? Or pinch his bottom as a joke?

If the man’s intentions haven’t been thwarted to this point, what may follow are concrete suggestions such as, “Would you like to go out for a drink after work?” If the man has a private office with a closed door, he may move in for greater intimacy, offering seductive comments like, “Ever since I met you, I think about you all the time.” Shouldn’t the woman be complimented? The hints about future sexual activity may still be subtle.

Initial overtures that appear innocent slowly graduate to more obvious moves. It may all start with good-humored comments about a woman’s attractive appearance. Next, a man may comment on her cleavage. If she objects, the man is likely to say, “Can’t you take a joke?”

Stopping Aggression

The only way to stop development of a slippery slope aggression is confrontation, frank and blunt. The woman who has rejected a man’s attention openly is likely to discourage further transgressions.

Women are asking for trouble if they try to sidestep the perpetrator’s overtures smilingly or subtly, even though they feel exposed and embarrassed. Boundary violations must be confronted for what they are. Humor or good-naturedness have no place in these scenarios. Women’s words and body language should convey outright rejection.

A woman’s comments should be forthright from the start. “I don’t think questions like that are appropriate here.” Unless the man has the hide of a rhinoceros, his response is likely to be feigned innocence under the pretense that anything he has said or done was in the spirit of good fun and friendship.

A man fingering the garment of a prospective victim is most likely to be discouraged by a firm, “Don’t touch me.” He will deny any malicious intent, but both parties know he’s play-acting. Entreating the man to stop by the use of feminine wiles is only likely to aggravate the problem. After all, dominance is the name of the game in sexual aggression. Acting helpless makes the man feel powerful and usually causes the problem to worsen. It’s perfectly appropriate to say,“If you touch me one more time, I’ll report you for sexual harassment.” These days, men know what that means.

Extreme Boundary Violations

Occasionally, the harassment  starts in more extreme forms. Usually, it’s not the first time for the perpetrator. The man who finds himself alone with a victim may use physical measures on the woman to dominate her—kissing her without permission, holding her, fondling her breasts or other body parts. At this point and beyond, his acts qualify as overt sexual assault.

Boundary violations have the purpose of establishing the dominance and superiority of the violator and make the victim feel submissive. They are harmful or potentially harmful to the victim’s welfare and feeling of autonomy.

Other Boundary Violations

Boundary violations can be financial—lending or giving money to a female co-worker, especially if she hasn’t requested it. Male supervisors should not engage in dual relationships with female employees in which there is a risk of exploitation or potential harm. A supervisor enters into a dual relationship when he acts as an advisor about one’s personal life, hires a woman to do “outside” work, or attempts to become a personal friend, teacher, or intimate partner.

Sequence of Moves

Psychologists Gabbard and Simon have pointed out a common sequence of sexual harassment. First, it involves a transition from last-name to first-name basis. The personal disclosures interrupt the business at  hand.  This is followed by some body contact—pats on the shoulder, massages, hugs. Trips outside the work setting are likely to follow: lunch dates, sometimes with alcoholic beverages, then dinner. This may be followed by attendance at the movies or other social events. The culminating event is sexual intercourse.

Conclusion

Sexual misconduct usually begins with relatively minor boundary violations, which, if not stopped, show a crescendo pattern of increasing intrusion into the victim’s space that culminates in sexual contact. A direct shift from talking to intercourse is quite rare; the “slippery slope” is the characteristic scenario.

I Play the Accordion for Cows

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A while back, I watched a YouTube video of a man playing his piano accordion on a vacant country road out West. I was interested because I, too, play the accordion. He sang a cowboy song. After the first few bars, cattle started emerging from the woods one by one, drawn by the music. After they’d come all the way to the fence that separated them from the accordionist, they stood respectfully in a semicircle, riveted by his song. Not a head moved. Not an ear twitched. When the accordionist finished, folded his instrument, and snapped it shut, the cows dispersed and moved back into the woods.

I thought, wow, I could do that. I recalled that when I drive to my morning A.A. meeting in Gainesville, I pass a field of cattle belonging to the University of Florida College of Agriculture. Maybe these cows would enjoy accordion music, too.

One morning, I put my instrumcowsent in the back seat of my car. After the A.A. meeting, I headed for U.F.’s cattle field. Parking on the curb adjacent to the cattle enclosure, I unloaded my accordion, strapped it on, and began to play. I sang, “Git along, little doggie” at the top of my lungs.

The cows slowly headed in my direction. When they’d come as close to the fence as they could, they stood quietly, listening to every note. Oh, joy.

Then a police cruiser pulled up on the curb behind me. I didn’t notice him at first. But when I was about to pack up and head home, I turned, and there he was, wearing his seamless and solemn police face. I said excitedly, “You can’t believe this, Officer. I saw on a YouTube video that cows love accordion music.” Looking at his face, he didn’t seem to share my excitement. In fact, he looked as though he was thinking about writing a ticket.

Then his features began to melt, the corners of his lips lifted, and dimples appeared in his cheeks. Finally, he laughed. I knew he was in. I said, “Too bad you missed the concert, Officer. I’m on my way home now.”

Pulling away from the curb, it occurred to me that someone probably called the police station to report a crazy old woman on Williston Road playing her accordion and singing to a field of cows. I also realized that the cruiser undoubtedly had a video recorder and the officer would be taking the evidence back to his buddies at the station who would get a good laugh out of it.

Me, too.

 

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Which Are Better—Dogs or Cats?

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According to many people, dogs are the ideal companion animals—better than cats, that’s for sure. They find cats irritating. Other people favor cats. The opposing camps maintain that the two species are like day and night. Forget that cats and dogs aren’t far apart on the phylogenetic scale and, in the bargain, they’re the two most commonly domesticated animals.

When dog supporters and cat lovers face off, you’ll sometimes hear them say, Hell, dogs and cats even hate each other. The dog is ready to shake a cat’s neck in its jaws until it’s dead. The cat, on the other hand, will jump on a dog’s back and ride it to hell.

Those of us who own both cats and dogs know this reasoning is more a reflection of the source than of reality. Humans are notoriously ego-invested in their pets. When people are vehement about the virtues of one species over the other, there’s something going on.

A guy has a Weimeraner he’s training as an attack dog. To him, Bruno is an extension of himself. This man has nothing but great things to say about dogs. They’re macho (his dogs, anyway), strong, brave, and self-sacrificing. They would die for you. In other words, everything a guy needs to feel good about himself.

This man hates cats. In his eyes, they are sneaky, self-serving, effeminate, and vain. He’s almost ready to forgive a close friend who has just adopted a cat. (If you can imagine such two guys being friends.)

In the cat-lover’s book, his friend’s Weimeraner is a dirty, unfriendly, sloppy suck-up. The cat lover believes there’s nothing more enchanting than Chloe’s feline grace, discrimination, and independence. He doesn’t expect her to whine with pleasure at the prospect of getting a treat. He admires the way she comes and goes without permission. He even gets a kick out of her clawing on the furniture occasionally, bringing a dead rat in the house, or waking him up at 4 am in the morning.

They’ve both got a point.

 

 

When INFJs and ISTJs Disagree

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The INFJ does not live in the same world as the ISTJ. They’re both introverts (I) and judging (J) types, but that’s about it. One is intuitive (N) and the other sensing (S). One is feeling (F) and the other thinking (T).

Differences of Opinion

If you’re an INFJ in a relationship with an ISTJ, be prepared for differences in opinion. As an INFJ, I’ve had problems with some ISTJs in the past, and I’ve seen them happen in other INFJ-ISTJ relationships. As a result, this blog is as much a personal statement as it is the sharing of professional knowledge about Myers-Briggs types.

The ISTJ believes that everything must be seen, heard, or measured to be real. The hunches of the INFJ, frequently based on limited information, may seem outlandish to ISTJs—even though the INFJ is usually correct. Also, the emotional component of INFJ thinking doesn’t make sense to most ISTJs. They believe in making decisions based on hard data. They consider feelings to be mostly irrelevant, except for their own—which they believe are based on reality, not state of mind. INFJs consider ISTJs too literal and lacking in imagination. What’s the use of gathering so much information, thinks the INFJ, when the conclusion is obvious?

How to Handle Conflicts

To negotiate disagreements or differences of opinion with ISTJs, INFJs need to back up their points with literal, objective examples, not subjective feelings or abstract ideas. Discussions should be concrete and matter-of-fact, not emotional. If an argument concerns an expenditure, for example, INFJs should not dwell on how important a desired item is to them. They should focus on needs the item meets, the benefits it offers, and its impact on their financial resources.

Let’s say an INFJ female partner in a relationship with an ISTJ wants to buy a canoe. She’s pretty sure it’s within their budget, although she hasn’t done the calculations. She thinks canoeing would be good exercise for them both. She knows of nearby rivers and lakes where they could launch their boat. But mostly, she wants the pleasure of being out on the water with her partner. This last argument for a canoe is not the first one she should use. After broaching the subject, she should be prepared to go over the family budget with the ISTJ partner, look into the purchase price of canoes, and consult maps about available sites for canoeing. She might even raise the topic of exercise benefits.

Construct: Conflict Resolution

constructThe diagram shows how INFJs and ISTJs handle this type of decision. The triangle represents a construct—the prospect of buying a canoe. (The dictionary defines “construct” as “an idea or theory containing various conceptual elements.”) The green circle at the top of the triangle represents the INFJ, who, as an intuitive (I), generally approaches ideas from the top down, looking at the whole before investigating the parts. The red circle at the bottom represents the ISTJ, who, being a sensing (S) type, looks at bottom-line details first and then decides whether they fit into a larger construct. The question is, how do the two Myers-Briggs types meet in the middle?

The best way for an INFJ to discuss the matter of a canoe purchase with an ESTJ is to deal with information, not feelings. This approach draws the ISTJs mind further up into the overall construct of buying a canoe. If the INFJ and ISTJ are lucky, they will meet in the grey zone in the diagram. Then, hopefully, they can head happily to a sporting goods store.

Despite their personality differences, some INFJs and ISTJs have undoubtedly developed the skills to sidestep conflicts. I was never very successful.

Carl Jung and Alcoholics Anonymous

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Who was Carl Jung, and what does he have to do with Alcoholics Anonymous?carl-jung-bw

Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist who originated the idea of psychoanalysis and, quite accidentally, contributed to development of Alcoholics Anonymous. It began in 1931 when he accepted a young American in his Zurich clinic for treatment of alcoholism. The man, Rowland Hazard, had so damaged his life and career with drinking that he traveled to Switzerland to consult the famous Dr. Jung for a cure.

Hazard placed himself under Dr. Jung’s care for a year, during which they met in the doctor’s consulting room several times a week. At the end of that time, Dr. Jung regretfully told Hazard that he could offer no further help. The patient needed more than medical or psychiatric treatment to recover from his alcoholism said the doctor. Jung told him that he needed some sort of spiritual conversion. According to Jung, conversions were rare, but when they did occur the alcoholics were able to stop drinking.

Oxford Group

Hazard returned to the U.S., still desperate for a cure and looking for help. He joined the Oxford Group, a spiritual organization that originated in England but found American roots in Akron, Ohio. The Oxford Group, a precursor to A.A., stated that it had “no hierarchy, no temples, no endowments, no salaried workers, no plans but God’s plan.” These became the principles of A.A. when it branched off from the Oxford Group in the 1930s. The singular goal of the A.A. program was to help alcoholics get sober.

billwilson-copyHazard met Bill Wilson, A.A, co-founder at Oxford Group meetings in Akron where they both became active members and gave up alcohol for good. Later, Bill wrote a letter to Dr. Jung, emphasizing that Jung’s influence on Hazard played “a critical role in the founding of our Fellowship.”

Jung’s Theory

Dr. Jung responded that he’d had many experiences with men of Rowland’s type. “His craving for alcohol was the equivalent, on a low level, of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness.” He added that a spiritual conversion can happen “only when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding…I am strongly convinced that the evil principle prevailing in this world leads the unrecognized spiritual need into perdition if it is not counteracted either by real religious insight or by the protective wall of human community.”

Higher Power

The path to which Dr. Jung referred was the “Higher Power” described by A.A. founders—a term now in common use. The twelve-step program of A.A. asserts that belief in a Higher Power and unselfish dedication to others are required to achieve freedom from alcohol.

 

 

 

Myers-Briggs Personality Types of Children—Extraverted Kids

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Do children’s personalities remain consistent over the years? If they’re happy babies, will they be happy adults? Or do experiences early in life play a major role in what they become?

Psychologists believe that both are true. According to experts in Myers-Briggs personality testing, people are born with certain traits or tendencies. Their attitudes and behaviors may be modified by the environment over time, but they don’t disappear entirely. The child who likes to play catch and climb trees will probably be an athletic grown-up. The one who reads books in her room for hours is more likely to be a scholar.

A previous blog described introverted children—quiet, shy types. This one is about extraverted (I) children—kids who are outgoing and enjoy social activities. There are eight types of extraverts according to Myers-Briggs theory. They differ in the combinations of the other three pairs of traits on the personality test: 1) sensing (S) and intuition (N); 2) feeling (F) and thinking (T); and 3) perceiving (P) and judging (J). The scores on four pairs range from one extreme to another, with some close to the middle.

Sensing (S) kids are observant and aware of all the details around them. Intuitive (N) types are more thoughtful and rely on hunches. Feeling (F) children make decisions based on how they’ll affect other people. Those of the thinking (T) type depend on logic and are less likely to focus on outcomes. Perceiving (P) children are easy-going and move from one activity to another. Those with a judging (J) preference are more focused and like to finish things.

Rambunctious Kids
ESTP: Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking and Perceiving

estp-kidESTP children are rambunctious kids. They think their lives should be action-packed and full of fun. When things get boring, they stir them up. Because of their outgoing personalities, they make friends easily and enjoy group activities.

Many are good at sports and work hard to improve their athletic skills. Dancing and other physical activities that involve cooperation also appeal to them. They appreciate nature and are curious about the things they find outdoors. They like being in the fresh air. School is less important to them than real-life experience and socializing. Parents who look for high academic achievement in their ESTP offspring may be disappointed by the grades they bring home.

Responsible Kids
ESTJ: Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking and Judging

estj-kidESTJ children are logical and organized. They’re responsible, obedient kids, respecting the standards set by adults. They get upset when grown-up rules are changed suddenly—unless they’re given a clear reason. For fun, they enjoy doing things that produce results, such as competing in games. Follow-through is their motto. They don’t understand people who go about things in a haphazard way.

When ESTJ kids take up sports or hobbies, they go to great pains to do them well. The child who wants to learn gymnastics, for example, is diligent about getting to all the practices. They like to have their skills tested. Indeed, they like to have all their accomplishments measured. Parents find that coaching and lessons usually pay off for these kids.

Affectionate Kids
ESFP: Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling and Perceiving

esfp-kidChildren of the ESFP personality type show their generous, caring nature from the time they’re toddlers. They’re warm, active and full of life. They like to be held and show affection by touching people. They want to bring happiness to those around them. Sometimes, though, they’re self-conscious whey they’re on the receiving end.

ESFPs have sharp eyes. Very little escapes their attention. They tune into the moods of people and notice subtleties in their behaviors. They like to include others in their activities. As observers of life, they point out interesting things to family and friends. These bright and sunny children sail though life with little caution. Parents sometimes worry about their willingness to take risks.

Generous Kids
ESFJ: Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling and Judging

esfj-kidChildren with ESFJ personalities are responsible and cooperative. They thrive on praise and personal attention. They’ll put forth considerable effort to gain approval from grown-ups and friends. ESFJs try to do the right thing. Always concerned about the well being of others, they go out of their way to help those in distress—even when it involves making personal sacrifices.

As children, they like order and structure. They follow the rules and generally accept them without question. They’re upset by out-of-bounds behavior in other children. People who tell lies also disturb them. When the rules seem unreasonable, ESFJ kids may feel let down by the grown-ups who made them.

Creative Kids
ENFP: Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceiving

enfp-kidThe natural curiosity of ENFP children leads them into endless adventures. They are full of questions. Fueled by their creativity, the spend hours exploring new ways to spend their time—making sand castles, rearranging indoor furniture for their adventures, making up plays, and so on.

The charm and energy of ENFP kids attracts friends. Because they’re so persuasive, they’re often chosen as leaders by their peers. They like to experiment, even if it involves taking risks. If someone warns them that poison ivy is dangerous, they’re likely to test the person’s advice. Parents of ENFP offspring often worry about what they’ll get into next.

Sociable Kids
ENFJ: Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging

enfj-kidENFJ children are cooperative and lively. Once they learn to talk, they never seem to stop. These congenial extraverts need lots of social interaction. Conflict and arguments upset them.

Bright, and sunny, ENFJ kids are always on the go. At school, they sign up for many activities, not just for the experience, but also for a chance to socialize. They bring warmth and vision to whatever they take part in. They’re at their best in situations that call for sensitivity and tact. ENFJs are liberal with praise for others and are well liked. Parents find them a joy to be around.

Risk-Taking Kids
ENTP: Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Perceiving

entp-kidENTPs are lively children who question routine ways of doing things. They rarely accept rules without question. If a requirement seems unreasonable, they try to get around it. Then they justify their behavior with logical explanations.

Because these children love challenges, they often engage in risky behaviors. Frequently, they try to outwit authority figures such as parents and teachers. Due to their appealing personal style, it’s easy for them to persuade other children to join them in projects and adventures. Organizers at heart, they even assign roles to them. Parents of ENTP kids do well to have logic on their side when challenged by their offspring.

Goal-Driven Kids
ENTJ: Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging

entj-kidENTJ children are driven by goals from the time they’re very young. They can be scholarly, athletic, and creative—all at the same time. They’re like to get straight As in school—as much to satisfy themselves as to please their parents. It’s important for them to win games and come in first in competitions. They like to win.

Kids of the ENTJ type tend to take charge of themselves and others in group activities. They’re born leaders. Power and control are important to them because they want to have an impact on what goes on. When authority figures become too dogmatic, ENTJs rebel. If a situation is acceptable to them, they’ll go along. For parents who’d prefer easy-going, compliant offspring, these children can be a challenge.

 

Part 1 of  this two-part series described introverted children.

Myers-Briggs Personality Types of Children—Part 1: Introverted Kids

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If your baby comes home from the hospital quiet and easy-going, will the peace last? What about the toddler who enjoys nothing more than turning the pages of a book, while another is scaling every surface in sight? Will their personalities change over the years?

Parents who dreamed of their child becoming a celebrated athlete may be disappointed when he or she prefers staying inside taking a clock apart to playing outdoors with friends. Parents hoping for a Rhodes scholar may be let down when their child would rather climb trees than read books.

Many experts believe that Myers-Briggs personality tests are unreliable in children. Others claim that infants have their basic personalities in place from the time they take their first breath. Personality scores may shift over the years, but they rarely make an about face.

This is about introverted (I) children. There are eight types of introverts according to Myers-Briggs theory. They differ in the combinations of the other three pairs of traits on the personality test: 1) sensing (S) and intuition (N); 2) feeling (F) and thinking (T); and 3) perceiving (P) and judging (J). The scores on four pairs range from one extreme to another, with some close to the middle.

Sensing (S) kids are observant and aware of all the details around them. Intuitive (N) types are more thoughtful and rely on hunches. Feeling (F) children make decisions based on how they’ll affect other people. Those of the thinking (T) type depend on logic and are less likely to focus on outcomes. Perceiving (P) children are easy-going and move from one activity to another. Those with a judging (J) preference are more focused and like to finish things.

ISFJ: Introverted, Sensing, Feeling and Judging

isfj-stickAs children, ISFJs are generally well behaved. They’re little trouble to their parents and teachers. They want to know what’s expected of then, and they quietly follow through. Even when asked to make sacrifices, ISFJ kids take pride doing the right thing. In school, they stick with a few close friends and avoid conflict.

Because ISFJ children try to be certain about their duties, they tend to do only what they’re told. With their inward focus, they have a tendency to worry about things. For this reason, they may perform below their potential. They need encouragement to stretch themselves.

ISFP: Introverted, Sensing, Feeling and Perceiving

isfp-stickISFP kids are quiet and kind. Because they avoid the spotlight, their many gifts may be overlooked. They are compassionate not only with other people, but also with animals—and indeed with all living things. They’re easy to like and attract other kids as friends. When arguments arise, they act as peacemakers.

ISFP children appreciate beauty, often making unique gifts for others that are colorful and beautiful. They enjoy the feeling of their bodies in motion—skating, dancing, and simply moving gracefully.

INFJ: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging

infj-stickINFJs are complex, even as young children. While they can be outgoing at times and involved with other kids, they’re also quiet and creative, caught up in their private worlds. They’re gentle and dislike violence and cruelty, whether in games or in real life.

It’s not uncommon for INFJ children to make frequent trips to the library, bringing home many books at a time and spending hours in their rooms reading. The next day, they’re outdoors having adventures with friends. INFJ kids can be a challenge to parents who find their inconsistency hard to understand.

INFP: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceiving

infp-stickINFP children are daydreamers, creating their own fantasy worlds. They are quiet, especially in new situations. Sometimes their parents worry whether they’re sufficiently grounded in reality. These kids enjoy getting lost in books. They learn to write at an early age.

Before INFPs even start school, they know what’s important to them. They sense where they’re headed and seldom ask for guidance. They’d rather do things for themselves than get help—to be sure they’re done right. They’re often careful not to reveal their mistakes to others. INFP children benefit from gentle handling and understanding.

INTJ: Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging

intj-stickThe independent natures of INTJ children are apparent early in life. They like to daydream and get caught up in ideas of how the world should be. They can be rebellious when told things that contradict what they believe. INTJs make their own rules and boundaries.

The life of the mind is important to INTJs, so they value their education. They‘re creative and innovative, finding their own efficient ways of doing and making things. These children can be a challenge to parents who would prefer easy-going, compliant children.

INTP: Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Perceiving

intp-stick1As children, INTPs often enjoy their own thoughts more than the company of other kids. They generally read a lot, going out to play only when invited. INTPs are full of questions, many times challenging parents and teachers with their observations. More than most children, INTPs enjoy inventing things and finding unusual pastimes not typical of kids their age.

INTP tastes are not dictated by popular trends. When these children disagree with conventional ideas, they’re quick to find fault in people’s logic, no matter how important the person. Some parents are baffled by the complexity of children who seem to have such a rich inner life.

ISTP: Introverted, Sensing, Thinking and Perceiving

istp-stickISTP children have two sides—one that observes the world and one that takes action. The observer likes to sit quietly and watch what’s going on, absorbing all the details. These kids want to know what make things tick, taking them apart to see how they work. Children of this type who play outdoors a lot are frequently experts on bugs, snakes, and other wildlife.

Usually, ISTPs are good with their hands and can fix things. They aren’t afraid to take risks with such sports as rock-climbing and backpacking. Parents who enjoy quiet children will find much to treasure in the ISTP.

ISTJ: Introverted, Sensing, Thinking and Judging

istj-stickAs children, ISTJs are well behaved and quiet. They function best in an environment that’s ordered and structured. With their well-developed sense of responsibility, ISTJs do best when given schedules to follow. They want to get their work done before they play. Around new people, they’re cautious and often uneasy until they get to know them. When ISTJs know what to expect, they’re more relaxed.

People of this personality type take a conventional view of life. While they enjoy solitary pastimes at home, they also appreciate traditional group activities such as scouting. Parents of these conscientious children can help them develop a more playful side of their personalities.

 

Part 2 of this series describes the eight types of extraverted children. 

 

INFJ Men as Lovers

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INFJ men are complex, warm, and perceptive. They’re drawn to women who are intelligent, creative, and compassionate. While few INFJ men ever achieve perfect relationships, they always wish for them. This is a positive quality when they stay in a committed relationship but it works against them when they move from one woman to another, always seeking a partner who lives up to their ideals.

If you’re in a relationship with an INFJ male, your feelings won’t go unnoticed. He’ll pick up every nuance and shift in your mood. Sometimes you’ll think he can read your mind. He’s a skillful, attentive lover who won’t be happy unless he can give as much pleasure as he receives. He views lovemaking as a nearly spiritual experience and wants you to feel the same.

Have no fear that he’ll leave you on a whim. He’s steadfast and loyal. Hurting people is not what he does. In fact, he has a tendency to hang on to partnerships long after they start going bad. If your relationship begins to deteriorate, you’re likely to see him struggling with himself. If he finally concludes that his efforts are useless, he’s likely to move on quickly. Don’t expect to go through a series of arguments. That’s not his style. There’ll be no shouting or fighting, just a quiet announcement that it’s over and time for him to go.

If your relationship stands the test of time, you can look forward to years of meaningful companionship. You’ll receive thoughtful gifts, favors and compliments. INFJ men enjoy showing their love, but they also like to hear that their efforts are appreciated. Getting material gifts from you isn’t necessary. They’re happy with your words of pleasure and gratitude.

Don’t risk being dishonest with an INFJ man. You won’t get by with it for long. INFJs have little patience for people they consider fake or corrupt. They recognize lies quickly, even if they don’t say anything about it.

You may notice that other women are attracted to your INFJ partner. He may not realize this. He’s hard to resist because of his intelligence, warmth, and consideration. He has interesting ways of viewing the world. He inspires people to be their best. Yet because he’s a selfless person, he doesn’t recognize the impact he has on others. His modesty is part of his appeal.

If you’re lucky enough to find an INFJ man, don’t count on his making the first move. INFJs are rarely the first ones to initiate social contact. Ask whether he’d like to have coffee sometime. If he’s interested, you’ll know. Also, keep these pointers in mind:

1.  On a date, don’t talk about designer labels, top ten music, and other superficial matters. This is a major put-off for INFJs, who enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Money and fads are of limited interest.

2.  Leave your hand-held devices at home unless you need them for directions to a theatre, restaurant, etc.

3.  Don’t flirt with other men. You won’t impress your INFJ man. He’ll worry that you’re an unreliable partner.

4.  Don’t suggest that you’re out for a temporary affair.

5.  Don’t pressure him into going places that involve crowds of people, unless they’re quiet spectator events such as concerts, art shows, etc. Remember, he’s an introvert.

6.  Even though he may talk about expensive places he can take you, let him know that your idea of a good date is spending time one-on-one with him—that you’d rather be picnicking next to a river in his company than eating at a five-star restaurant.

7.  If your relationship moves on to sexual intimacy, take your time at lovemaking. Don’t rush the process. Savor every moment.

8.  Don’t lie to him, even about little things. He’ll pick up on it and your deceits will lower his opinion of you.

9.  Be patient about learning the INFJ’s innermost secrets. INFJs are more guarded than most Myers-Briggs types. If your partnership flourishes, he’ll eventually tell you everything.

Of all sixteen types, the INFJ has the greatest capacity for love and compassion in a relationship. If you find an INFJ man, hang on. He’s one in a hundred.

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INFJ Meets ISTP

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It’s obvious looking at the letters I-N-F-J and I-S-T-P that these two Myers-Briggs personality types are very different. The only trait they have in common is their introversion. Both types enjoy privacy. They find meaning not from superficial experiences but from their contemplation of them.

 Sensing vs. Intuition

Because ISTPs rely on their sensing preference more than their intuition, they are driven to understand how things work. They usually have good eye-hand coordination, which makes them skilled at fixing things. They use their minds for practical matters and think problems through while working on them. Theories don’t interest them unless they can be put to practical use.

In contrast, INFJs aren’t mechanically minded. They get impatient with details and prefer to head straight to outcomes. The ISTP can be a big help to the INFJ who doesn’t want to bother with, say, taking apart a toaster to see why it’s not working. If the problem is a blown fuse, that may occur to the INFJ intuitively while the ISTP works his or her way to the solution through logic. ISTPs are likely to examine the parts of the toaster before checking the fusebox. The two types have complementary strengths.

When an ISTP and INFJ collect information to make a big decision, such as what car to buy, their sensing and intuitive functions may collide. The ISTP may not be satisfied until all aspects of a model are checked out and the vehicle is examined by a mechanic. The INFJ is more likely to base his or her decision on how the engine runs and if the car feels good to drive. The ISTP’s private opinion is that the INFJ rushes to conclusions without taking enough precautions. The INFJ thinks the ISTP is too fussy about details.

Thinking vs. Feeling

When an ISTP-INFJ relationship runs aground, it’s usually because of thinking-feeling conflicts. ISTPs make decisions based on facts rather than feelings and values. This impersonal approach gives them a tendency to ignore the effects of their actions on others. They may not even be clear about their own feelings. INFJs’ emotions are more likely to influence their decisions, although they do examine the facts. Because of this difference, the ISTP can hurt the INFJ’s feelings without meaning to. The INFJ can get on the ISTP’s nerves with his or her emotional reactions.

Perceiving vs. Judging

Because of their perceiving preference, ISTPs don’t worry much about deadlines and usually finish jobs just under the wire. They postpone starting projects and then rush to finish them on time. They’re often late for appointments. In contrast, INFJs work on a schedule, make lists, and make sure to meet their deadlines with time to spare. They plan projects. They don’t just jump in. In this arena, too, the INFJ and ISTP can get on each other’s nerves.

Making the Relationship Work

It takes effort and patience to make an ISTP-INFJ relationship work. The two must respect each other’s methods of processing information. The ISTP should try to understand the INFJ’s need for emotional support. Often this requires that the INFJ explain his or her needs to the ISTP and make suggestions for meeting them. INFJs shouldn’t expect ISTPs to be their sole source of emotional support. They need to cultivate a few friends who can empathize with their feelings and give them support.

As close friends, INFJs and ISTPs enjoy sharing experiences quietly, away from crowds. They’re most at ease when they’re camping, listening to music, or watching a documentary. Words aren’t necessary. The shared experience is enough.

The INFJ appreciates the ISTP’s ability to enjoy the details of life without over-thinking. ISTPs have a matter-of-fact, uncomplicated way of viewing the world. This can be a relief to the complex INFJ for whom very little is easy. Often the ISTP has practical solutions to the small problems of life: how to replace a bicycle chain, determining what’s causing the funny noise in the car engine, or figuring out what’s killing the roses in the yard.