Are You an Introvert or an Extravert?
Are you attracted to people of different Myers-Briggs types? This is natural. The novelty is appealing, even seductive. Over time, however, you (an Introvert, let’s say) may find that the gregarious, outgoing person you met and have started to date now gets on your nerves. These Extraverts, you think, spill all the beans the moment they meet someone. You hear yourself saying, “Do you have to tell your life story to everyone on the street?” The insult gets you nowhere, of course. The person is just following the mandates of his or her Myers-Briggs type.
It’s interesting to consider that as much as we think we prefer the novel and unique in other people, we wish later on that they’d be more like us. In the long run, we may find our attraction soured by people who insist on “doing their own thing,” especially when it departs from conformity. In a family, business, or community organization, such nonconformity may even be regarded as disloyal or slightly dangerous.
Introversion and Extraversion are traits that reflect how we deal with the outer world and where we get our energy. Introverts get their inner renewal from private time—time spent alone with their thoughts. They don’t socialize much compared to Extraverts, who thrive on the company of others. Being with people is the source of the Extravert’s energy.
Introvert Type
- Introverts often rehearse what they’re going to say and prefer that others do the same. When someone proposes a course of action, they’re likely to say, “I’ll think about that.”
- Introverts enjoy the peace and quiet of their own company. They often feel that their privacy is being invaded by others. Many develop the skill of tuning out noises from the social world, such as conversations in the other room. Some shut off the radio and TV in the house when they want to be alone and left in peace.
- They are often seen as great, empathic listeners, but feel that others take advantage of their willingness to listen rather than talk about themselves.
- Others often perceive them as reserved or shy because they don’t talk much when with people outside their social circle (which tends to be very small).
- Introverts like to share special occasions with one other person or a couple of close friends. They hate surprise parties.
- They avoid blurting their opinions out forcefully, but then get annoyed when someone else comes out with just what they were about to say.
- When they share feelings and thoughts they don’t want interruptions from others, just as they don’t interrupt others when they are sharing.
- They need to “recharge” alone after they’ve spent some time socializing with others.
- Introverts get suspicious or annoyed when others chatter away, repeating things others have said, or are too effusive in their compliments. They believe in the old saying, “Talk is cheap.”
Extravert Type
- Extraverts tend to talk first and think later. They often don’t know what they’re about to say until they hear themselves say it. They sometimes berate themselves for talking too much.
- They know a lot of people and tend to count them as close friends. They try to include as many people as possible in social activities.
- They don’t mind distracting noises in the background when reading or trying to hold a conversation. They’re good at tuning out irrelevant noises.
- Extraverts are very approachable, whether it’s by strangers or friends. They enjoy conversation for its own sake, although they do have a tendency to dominate the content.
- They find telephone calls to be welcome distractions. Often they’re the first to pick up the phone when it rings. They often call people on impulse when they just want to communicate some interesting bit of news.
- They enjoy parties and like talking with many different people, including strangers. They tend to reveal personal information even with people they’ve never met before.
- When faced with a task or assignment, Extraverts prefer bouncing ideas off others rather than reflecting in solitude. They prefer generating possibilities in a group to doing it by themselves.
- Frequently Extraverts ask for help from others when doing mundane tasks. When Extraverts lose their glasses, for example, they’re likely to ask everyone in the room to help look for them rather than tackle the search on their own.
- They need affirmations and compliments from others about who they are, how they look, and just about everything else. They may think they are doing a good job, but they don’t believe it until they hear others say so.
If you’re an Introvert, that means you’re introverted most, but not all, of the time. People move back and forth slightly in the Myers-Briggs preferences, depending on the situation. There might be a group meeting of a fellowship you’ve belonged to for a long time, where you find the social interactions stimulating. The chances are, though, that you’re glad to go home again afterward. If you’re an Extravert and have been in business meetings all day long, you may feel worn out and want only to go home and listen to some classical music. It’s normal for the preferences to be modified according to different situations. The balance between the two traits on each of the four pairs depends on a number of factors, but the overall tendencies are usually stable.
ISTPs are flexible and action-oriented children. They are great observers and enjoy figuring out how things work. Their curiosity drives them to gather details of particular subjects in which they’re involved, such as bugs, bicycles, dolls, etc. A girl who gets a drone as a gift may well develop a longstanding interest in airplanes and other devices that fly. They enjoy sharing detailed information about their hobbies, especially with other hobbyists. They take note of the differences between what people say and what they actually do.
ESTP children are rambunctious kids. They think their lives should be action-packed and full of fun. When things get boring, they stir them up. Because of their outgoing personalities, they make friends easily and enjoy group activities.
ESTJ children are logical and organized. They’re responsible, obedient kids, respecting the standards set by adults. They get upset when grown-up rules are changed suddenly—unless they’re given a clear reason. For fun, they enjoy doing things that produce results, such as competing in games. Follow-through is their motto. They don’t understand people who go about things in a haphazard way.
Children of the ESFP personality type show their generous, caring nature from the time they’re toddlers. They’re warm, active and full of life. They like to be held and show affection by touching people. They want to bring happiness to those around them. Sometimes, though, they’re self-conscious whey they’re on the receiving end.
Children with ESFJ personalities are responsible and cooperative. They thrive on praise and personal attention. They’ll put forth considerable effort to gain approval from grown-ups and friends. ESFJs try to do the right thing. Always concerned about the well being of others, they go out of their way to help those in distress—even when it involves making personal sacrifices.
The natural curiosity of ENFP children leads them into endless adventures. They are full of questions. Fueled by their creativity, the spend hours exploring new ways to spend their time—making sand castles, rearranging indoor furniture for their adventures, making up plays, and so on.
ENFJ children are cooperative and lively. Once they learn to talk, they never seem to stop. These congenial extraverts need lots of social interaction. Conflict and arguments upset them.
ENTPs are lively children who question routine ways of doing things. They rarely accept rules without question. If a requirement seems unreasonable, they try to get around it. Then they justify their behavior with logical explanations.
ENTJ children are driven by goals from the time they’re very young. They can be scholarly, athletic, and creative—all at the same time. They’re like to get straight As in school—as much to satisfy themselves as to please their parents. It’s important for them to win games and come in first in competitions. They like to win.
As children, ISFJs are generally well behaved. They’re little trouble to their parents and teachers. They want to know what’s expected of then, and they quietly follow through. Even when asked to make sacrifices, ISFJ kids take pride doing the right thing. In school, they stick with a few close friends and avoid conflict.
ISFP kids are quiet and kind. Because they avoid the spotlight, their many gifts may be overlooked. They are compassionate not only with other people, but also with animals—and indeed with all living things. They’re easy to like and attract other kids as friends. When arguments arise, they act as peacemakers.
INFJs are complex, even as young children. While they can be outgoing at times and involved with other kids, they’re also quiet and creative, caught up in their private worlds. They’re gentle and dislike violence and cruelty, whether in games or in real life.
INFP children are daydreamers, creating their own fantasy worlds. They are quiet, especially in new situations. Sometimes their parents worry whether they’re sufficiently grounded in reality. These kids enjoy getting lost in books. They learn to write at an early age.
The independent natures of INTJ children are apparent early in life. They like to daydream and get caught up in ideas of how the world should be. They can be rebellious when told things that contradict what they believe. INTJs make their own rules and boundaries.
As children, INTPs often enjoy their own thoughts more than the company of other kids. They generally read a lot, going out to play only when invited. INTPs are full of questions, many times challenging parents and teachers with their observations. More than most children, INTPs enjoy inventing things and finding unusual pastimes not typical of kids their age.
ISTP children have two sides—one that observes the world and one that takes action. The observer likes to sit quietly and watch what’s going on, absorbing all the details. These kids want to know what make things tick, taking them apart to see how they work. Children of this type who play outdoors a lot are frequently experts on bugs, snakes, and other wildlife.
As children, ISTJs are well behaved and quiet. They function best in an environment that’s ordered and structured. With their well-developed sense of responsibility, ISTJs do best when given schedules to follow. They want to get their work done before they play. Around new people, they’re cautious and often uneasy until they get to know them. When ISTJs know what to expect, they’re more relaxed.
