Is Romance in the Air? INFJ Meets ENFP
Myers-Briggs personality traits have a lot to do with the potential for romance, friendship, and working relationships. They’re important in family life, too. Romance has a better chance of lasting between lovers of similar Myers-Briggs types. Siblings of the same personality type are likely to get along better than those of very different types.
People of the Myers-Briggs INFJ personality type share some characteristics with the ENFP type, but not others. They differ in their sociability (I = introvert, E = extravert), but share their preferences for both intuition (I) and feeling (F)—the main reason for their attraction to each other. Both types have an uncanny ability to size people up as the result of their intuitive gifts. The difference is that the INFJ is less likely to share discoveries and insights unless prompted. Because of their shared feeling preference, both are kind, compassionate. Their differences in Perceiving (P) and Judging (J) explain why they go about tasks differently—the perceiving type being more easy-going and less driven than the punctual, conscientious judging type.
Life is fun with ENFPs, who never tire of developing new interests. They’re at their best in situations that are fluid and changing. Even in their day-to-day activities they look for new ways of doing things. The same is true of INFJs except that they are drawn to activities that involve fewer social contacts and less communication with others. INFJs are more private.
Friendship
INFJs and ENFPs can spend long hours talking and laughing together because their ways of thinking are similar. Their intuitive and feeling traits are the glue that holds the friendship together. However, they are often at odds about their differences in sociability. The INFJ may grow weary of the amount of time the ENFP spends in the company of others. He or she regrets that the ENFP doesn’t take more pleasure in their time alone as friends.
In healthy friendships, compromise is the key. If the ENFP accepts many party invitations, the INFJ can consent to attend some but bow out of others. Each friend needs to understand the character of the other, honor his or her preferences, and adapt some of the time.
Another difference between them concerns punctuality. The INFJ is rarely tardy and gets things done when promised. ENFPs have a tendency to be late. They lose track of time, because they underestimate how long it will take to finish what they’re doing. They miss deadlines or are slow in meeting their commitments. This happy-go-lucky attitude often annoys INFJs, who think it irresponsible. ENFPs, on the other hand, may consider INFJs clock-watchers.
Romance
ENFPs have such appealing personalities that they’re never short of admirers. When a relationship takes hold with an INFJ, the bond is likely to be intense at first, as the ENFP showers attention on the other person. The INFJ feels honored and unconditionally loved. However, many of these relationships wear out over time, and the ENFP begins looking for another conquest.
Being in love is an almost constant state for ENFPs. When the love bug gets them, they study all aspects of the new partner. ENFPs tend to idealize their current relationships, thinking that the latest one is the best of all.
Whether male or female, ENFPs can be seductive. They know how to appeal to attractive prospects and make themselves desirable. Sometimes they go too far in their quest for affection, making the INFJ feel pressured and deprived of private time. If this makes the INFJ uneasy, the ENFP is likely to get anxious and needy. A discussion about the importance of boundaries may help ease the ENFP’s jittery response to a partner’s hesitance.
Being abandoned by an ENFP partner is hard on the sensitive INFJ, who thinks, “I’ll never find a person this wonderful again.” In contrast, a rejected ENFJ usually smarts at first, but then recovers by exaggerating the partner’s shortcomings and concentrating on new prospects. When ENFPs are left by a lover, they rebound quickly.
Home Life
INFJs who marry ENFPs find that they’re enjoyable to live with. They also make good parents. They know how to turn family chores into enjoyable activities. If there’s a task that’s boring, they find a way to make it interesting. They infuse family life with creativity and avoid letting their home get too structured, with no room for imagination. When the freewheeling goes too far, however, the INFJ may complain that things are getting out of control.
ENFPs may consider themselves organized in their home life, but INFJ partners often take a different view. The ENFPs’ desire to be open to new possibilities is usually stronger than their need to keep things neat and tidy. When they fix meals, the kitchen is likely to be a mess. Their offices or dens are cluttered. There’s always something more interesting to do than clean up.
Because of their wide-ranging interests, ENFPs tend to change jobs often—even career tracks—with the result that their finances are shaky. Partly this is due to their success at landing jobs for which they’re not fully qualified. If the family needs a steady income, the tendency of ENFPs to quit jobs or get fired may frustrate INFJs.
Secrets of Success
INFJs and ENFPs share the gifts of compassion and desire to help others. They’re champions of good causes—whether their efforts are directed at people, animals, or the environment. By cooperating in their efforts to help others, they strengthen their own personal bond. They make good partners, and together they are an admirable team.
The diagram shows how INFJs and ISTJs handle this type of decision. The triangle represents a construct—the prospect of buying a canoe. (The dictionary defines “construct” as “an idea or theory containing various conceptual elements.”) The green circle at the top of the triangle represents the INFJ, who, as an intuitive (I), generally approaches ideas from the top down, looking at the whole before investigating the parts. The red circle at the bottom represents the ISTJ, who, being a sensing (S) type, looks at bottom-line details first and then decides whether they fit into a larger construct. The question is, how do the two Myers-Briggs types meet in the middle?
Mother Teresa was an ISFJ, a type called the “Protector.” True to her personality type, she was caring, down-to-earth and dependable. Working in the slums of Calcutta, India, she founded a charity that ran homes for the dying. Like most ISFJs, she was compassionate and dedicated to helping others.
Bobby Fischer, world chess champion. was an INTJ—a Myers-Briggs personality type called the “Mastermind.” He was a brilliant and creative strategist, but a difficult man. Like many INTJs, he sometimes seemed so confident of himself as to appear overbearing. True to his type, he liked to design models based on theories he’d developed.
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The INTP “Problem-Solver” personality type, Marie Curie discovered radium in 1898. True to type, she was quiet and modest. Exacting in her work, she was the first woman to win the Nobel Prize. Like most INTPs, she adopted an approach to life and work that was intellectual and independent. She was intensely private.
Princess Diana, beloved by millions, was an INFP noted for her compassion and global philanthropy. INFPs are soft-spoken idealists who dedicate themselves to helping others. They avoid conflict and try not to create waves, but when they see people behaving unkindly, they can become surprisingly assertive.
David Bowie was an ISFP, a personality type called the “Artist.” He was a world-famous singer, songwriter and actor with a reputation as a flamboyant celebrity onstage. In private, Bowie was like most ISFPs—a gentle, modest human being. He had a natural curiosity that fueled his creative spirit.
An ISTP, the Dalai Lama is a famous Buddhist leader. True to his personality type, he is practical, reserved, and expresses himself in deeds. He is an independent man with an analytical mind. His enterprising, adventurous spirit were evident in his flight to India after the Chinese invaded his homeland, Tibet.
Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, is an ISTJ. As a political leader, she is organized, objective and demanding. While ISTJs know how to be gracious and articulate in social situations, at heart they are independent, private types. They don’t make decisions without first collecting detailed information.
Like most INTPs, owls have logical minds. They’re mindful and quiet. They’re solo operators and don’t socialize with other owls unless they’re mating. They don’t have patience with rules, even those laid down by other owls. While they’re not very friendly, they’re perceptive and wise.
Like human ISFPs, sloths are easygoing peace-makers. They take things as they come and live in the moment. In the company of other sloths, they are caring, mellow and considerate. While they have principles, they don’t make an issue of them. They avoid confrontations or standing up for their rights. While people think of them as lazy, what’s closer to the truth is that they’re just more laid back than humans.
As ISFJs, deer are serene creatures, but they’re alert to everything in their environment. Their acute powers of observation help them avoid danger. They make themselves scarce during hunting season, avoid predators, and are even careful to avoid cars on busy roads. With their own species, they value harmony and show respect. The few people who live with them describe them as sensitive and trustworthy.
Does the octopus have enough personality to deserve a Myers-Briggs type? Like all INTJs, these sea creatures are independent, intelligent and creative. Octopuses are quite aware of their own sharp minds, solving difficult problems. And they’re smart enough to know when a challenge is too much for them. Unless they’re looking for a meal, they ignore other ocean life. They work alone.
INFJ wolves, like their human counterparts, have morals and values. Often creative and inspired, they re skilled at sensing emotions in others, but they’re not likely to reveal much of themselves until complete trust has been established. Still, they are intensely concerned with the well being of their friends and families. They tend to remain mysterious and complex even when others know them well. Pack members see alpha wolves as protectors and natural leaders.
Like all ISTJs, beavers are logical, hard-working types. They’re organized and live by team rules. They have a reputation for taking a practical approach to everything. When busy building and maintaining their dams, they’re dedicated workers who will do whatever is needed to get the job done. Like their human counterparts, they aren’t always easy to get along with. Both males and females get into fights on occasion, and many have scars on their rumps from being bitten by other beavers.
INFP meerkats are loyal to their families and friends. They stick together and live according to their values. Their behavior reflects an innate idealism and desire to coexist peacefully. They are curious about everything that goes on around them and are open to new experiences. However, when any of their family is threatened, they rise to the cause and get aggressive.
As a typical ISTP Myers-Briggs type, the house cat is a study in contrasts. Cats are quiet and analytical, always trying to figure out how things work. But they’re easily bored. They’re keen to move on to the next adventure. As ISTPs, they’re often daredevils racing around or jumping off high places. If they were human, they’d be bungee jumpers. They’re live-and-let-live types, not particularly concerned with rules, regulations, or the good opinion of others.
Like most ESTPs, foxes look for pleasure in life and want to share it with others. ESTPs are charismatic and dramatic. They’re spontaneous and fun to watch. They know how to influence those around them. In this respect, foxes are like their ESTP human counterparts. If you’re looking for a good time, foxes will quickly endear themselves to you. They’re also quick-witted and can be tricky.
As ENTJs, lions are independent, logical thinkers. They live in packs called “prides.” Because they’re thinking (T) types, they don’t let emotions enter their decision-making process. That’s why they’re often seen as callous. But these fierce cats can be warm and nurturing with members of their group. They’re caring parents, protective of their cubs and relatives. At the same time, they’re enterprising and powerful. Just like ENTJ people.
As ESFPs, otters revel in the moment. They live at top speed. They’re playful, generous with others of their species, and always see the bright side of life. They love having new adventures with their friends. Learning things in a routine way is not their thing. They like to experiment. They’re intelligent and creative. The object of life is to have a good time and eat well, lying on their backs cracking open shellfish or zooming around underwater looking for fish.
Dolphins are so sociable that they make friends not only with their own kind but with other species such as humans. They’re keenly aware of the feelings and needs of those around them. They aim to please. Like most ENFPs, dolphins enjoy company and are seldom out on their own. They have boundless energy and enthusiasm. It’s not unusual for beach-goers to see groups of them playing offshore, performing in the water like synchronized swimmers. ENFPs, including dolphins, get bored easily and are always ready for new adventures.
ESTJ honeybees are civic-minded creatures that try to improve their society, organize their environment, and make improvements. They’re perfect counterparts to ESTJ humans. They’re good at making their needs and desires known. As strong believers in the letter of the law, they follow rules and regulations. No-nonsense bees are practical and direct and have little use for new experiences. Bees live in a complex, cooperative society.
ENTPs value intelligence and skill over all other things. They’re often described as witty, bright and resourceful. Parrots, the perfect ENTPs, can speak, hold conversations with their human owners, and even make jokes. They like to analyze every side of things and are creative thinkers and workers. They take pleasure in the company of others. ENTPs enjoy a constant flow of inspiration and jump from one challenge to another.
Like their human ESFJ counterparts, elephants are genuine and authentic. They care deeply for each other. ESFJ elephants bring out the best in those around them. They’re loyal and responsible to their families and members of their herd.They are tolerant of the faults of others. However, they’re also sensitive and their feelings are easily hurt.
Like ENFJ people, dogs like to have a wide variety of friends. Dogs who are confined alone often become depressed and irritable. Dogs are cheerleaders and love to greet their families with a face lick and wagging tail. They feel good when those around them feel good.They are the picture of loyalty, which they give freely and accept joyfully. Usually, they adapt to new groups easily, as can be witnessed at any dog park. They are truly team players.
INFP: Belle
ISFJ: Jiminy Cricket
INFJ: Pocahontas
ISTJ: Li Shang
ISFP: Pumbaa
ISTP: Tinker Bell