Is Romance in the Air? INFJ Meets ISFJ

INFJs and ISFJs are alike in many ways. Both are introverted, feeling, and judging. They differ only on the intuitive/sensing (N/S) dimension of the Myers-Briggs Inventory. Both types put much of their energy into helping others. They share a need to make the world a better place. People can count on them in times of trouble.

Although both have high ideals, they’re modest about them. They prefer to make their values apparent in their actions. This is partly due to their introverted personalities and desire to avoid the spotlight. Seldom do they demand recognition for their achievements.

The main difference between the two is that INFJs are more insightful. For example, they pick up on the motives of others quickly, and as a result, their judgments are sometimes harsh. ISFJs, however, tend to be naive. They have a hard time understanding greed and unkindness because it’s so foreign to their natures.

Friendship

INFJs and ISFJs make steadfast friends. The INFJ appreciates the generosity of ISFJs and their willingness to help others. INFJs show their gratitude in warm and subtle ways. ISFJs don’t have many friends, but they’re likely to keep the ones they have for a lifetime. Feeling secure in their friendships is important to both of them.

INFJs should realize that most ISFJs have trouble standing up for themselves because they dislike conflict. ISFJs may make up white lies or excuses to avoid uncomfortable truths. For example, some ISFJs committed to abstinence from liquor, fearing disapproval, may turn down drinks with the excuse that they’re allergic to alcohol—yet most INFJ friends understand their discomfort are unlikely to take issue with their abstinence.

Romance

Both INFJs and ISFJs take romantic relationships seriously and are attentive to their partners’ needs. They’re tactful and kind. At the same time, their introverted natures make them cautious about expressing their feelings for fear of rejection. These two types may be so careful in their approach to romance that they underestimate a partner’s commitment. INFJs and ISFJs have a tendency to hold back on the playful aspects of their personalities until they know people well.

Once the INFJ and ISFJ have decided on an exclusive relationship, they enjoy building a history together. They share certain activities on a regular basis, such as Friday night movies, and are sentimental about the things they do routinely. As the relationship matures, they return to places where they had their first dates. They like to exchange presents that will hold symbolic memories later—for example, artwork or CD albums. The INFJ in particular has no need for splashy gifts.

INFJs and ISFJs sometimes remain in partnerships that are no longer working. The thought of leaving a relationship makes them nervous and insecure. When either of these types is left by a partner, they’re deeply hurt. Typically, they go through a period of painful self-examination. If they don’t turn to friends for support, they’re slow to regroup and move on. Some grow quiet, trying to appear composed and stoic to the people around them.

Home Life

The homes of INFJs tend to be more cluttered than those of ISFJs. An abundance of books, craft supplies, musical instruments, and other paraphernalia lie around the house, allowing INFJs to pursue their hobbies at a moment’s notice. While they would prefer a tidy environment, housekeeping has a lower priority than having fun. When family members complain about the mess, however, INFJs will pick up after themselves.

ISFJs’ homes are usually neater, as they’re good about home maintenance and domestic chores. Sometimes they take on more than they can handle. Then they may complain about their workload in a martyred sort of way, but turn down offers of assistance from family members. To accept help makes them feel inadequate and guilty.

Celebrations such as birthdays and anniversaries are important to ISFJs. To get the most enjoyment out of such events, they participate in the preparations—cooking the holiday meal, cleaning the house, and so on. This is one way they show their commitment and love.

Both Myers-Briggs types take their parenting responsibilities seriously. For them, parenthood is a lifelong commitment. Protective and patient, they’re likely to set aside their own needs to be sure their children are taken care of first. They give them every opportunity for a good education, for example. While ISFJs tend to encourage their children along conventional career lines, INFJs are more broad minded. They’re tolerant of unusual extracurricular and career interests as long as their children put forth genuine effort.

Secrets of Success

INFJs and ISFJs do best when they appreciate their differences as well as their similarities. While the ISFJ may not be as creative or witty as the INFJ, he or she is better at the practical aspects of life. When INFJs lose things—which they do with regularity—ISFJs can find them. When there are monotonous chores that the INFJ wishes to avoid, he or she is likely to find a willing volunteer in the ISFJ. The secret to a warm relationship is for both to show the