INFJ Women as Lovers

The INFJ female is an intense, passionate woman. She is drawn to the opposite sex, but few of them turn out to be long-term partners because they’re the wrong type. Still, the woman keeps trying. If she finally meets a man with a compatible personality and finds him moderately attractive, the connection usually strengthens.

The INFJ woman is compassionate, intelligent, and creative. While she longs for a perfect relationship, she seldom achieves her goal. Because of her adventurous, passionate nature. she keeps getting sidetracked by the wrong kind of man. The woman who has the patience and maturity to wait until the right man comes along is much more likely to find the match she seeks.  Paradoxically, more often than not, it’s the man who finds her, not the other way around. When that finally happens—if it does—it’s up to the INFJ woman to respond and nourish the relationship.

The odds of finding an INFJ woman are small—sad but true. That’s because INFJs comprise only 1 percent of the population. Consequently, she finds reasons to get out and appear in places where the odds are more promising. If she’s out there, just by herself, the chances are that the right man will find her if there’s one around.

A man who initiates a relationship with an INFJ woman soon learns if his feelings are reciprocated. The woman picks up every nuance and shift in his mood. Sometimes he has the uneasy feeling that she can read his mind.

She’s an attentive lover who isn’t satisfied until she can give as much love as she receives. To her, lovemaking is more than a physical event. It’s a mystical experience, worthy of her fullest attention and skill. She loses interest in men whose lovemaking is routine and rapid.

The right man need not fear that his INFJ woman will leave him on an impulse. She’s loyal and steadfast. In fact, she’s sometimes too loyal, tending to give her heart to a man long after the relationship shows signs of deteriorating.  When this happens, she struggles with herself. Once she makes the decision that things are going nowhere, she severs ties quickly and moves on. She’s not the type to go through a series of arguments or pleas. That’s not her style. She’ll just announce quietly that it’s time for her to leave.

An INFJ relationship that stands the test of time can go on for years—for a lifetime, in fact. She gives the man thoughtful gifts, compliments and favors. She aims to please. Responding in kind isn’t necessary, although she appreciates it. The INFJ woman is satisfied with her ability to make him happy.

Other men are likely to be attracted to an INFJ woman. She may or may not notice. She’s hard to resist because all her good qualities make her attractive. Her partner needn’t worry about her being fickle, however. She’ll be loyal—under one condition. The man must return her love, show his devotion, and make her feel treasured. Above all, he should never make lovemaking a hurried event. It deserves all his skill and attention. She’ll appreciate this more than anything else he can do. If she starts showing a desire to wander, it’s probably because he hasn’t fulfilled his end of the bargain.

Do’s and Don’ts

When courting an INFJ woman, men should keep several pointers in mind:

  • Don’t talk about cars, sporting events, politics, or money, unless one of these topics interests her particularly. In general, she enjoys the simple, straightforward experiences in life. She’s interested in things that feed her curiosity and broad intelligence, that engage her emotions as well as her intellect.
  • Leave your android or iPhone in your car or inside pocket. She hates competing with handheld devices. If you’ll notice, hers is put away somewhere and she devotes all her attention to you.
  • Don’t flirt with other women. Keep your attention from wandering, at least where she can detect it. Otherwise, she’ll assume you are fickle and undependable.
  • Don’t introduce the subject of the new relationship in terms that indicate you don’t want to get serious. This indicates to her that you’re unreliable and don’t find her attractive enough to merit further consideration.
  • Don’t press her to attend events where there are crowds of people, at least not at first. Cocktail parties and crowded pop concerts are examples. Remember, she’s an introvert.
  • Don’t brag about expensive places you could take her. She doesn’t care about money. Rather, find intimate, reassuring settings that are in good taste but not exceedingly pricey. Imply that it’s her company you value, not the experience of eating in a prestigious restaurant.
  • If the relationship blossoms during sexual intimacy, take your time at foreplay. Tease and tempt her to make some moves of her own. Nothing turns a woman on more than a man with a slow hand. Don’t let any of your moves come as a surprise to her. Allot plenty of time for lovemaking—at least an hour.
  • Learn how to kiss, slowly and tentatively at first. No tongue, please. If you could listen to women complaining to each other about bad kissers, this is one of the first resentments you’ll hear. When the woman initiates French kissing, it’s OK to respond in kind, but slowly, tentatively.
  • Don’t lie to her about anything, even little things. She’ll pick up on it, and your relationship will suffer from then on. It takes a lot of work and compassion to repair the damage done by even small deceits. An INFJ woman needs to trust you.
  • Don’t pressure her to reveal her innermost secrets. She’ll start to share them with you when she’s ready and believes she can trust you completely. If the relationship is solid, eventually she’ll tell you everything.

Of all sixteen types, the INFJ has the greatest store of love and compassion to give in a relationship. If you find an INFJ woman, treasure her. She’s one in a hundred.

7 replies
  1. Richa says:

    Thanks for the informative article. I am an INFJ woman and still waiting for my twin soul to appear in my life but I doubt if he will live upto my expectations as people always disappoint me and misunderstand me. I have never felt understood all my life. People assume alot about me but do not get me. I am probably too subtle and weird to ever feel understood. My powerful and uncanny sixth sense helps me understand others but no one seems to understand me. All have failed… family and friends. I feel like it’s a curse being such a rare personality. Haven’t seen any benefits of it except that I understand when people try to manipulate me or are fake.

    • Johanna says:

      Same here, Richa. Even this post doesn’t seem to be totally spot on but a good try. However I was incredibly lucky to find an INFJ man who is my perfect match. We are 10 years married now and it’s incredible to have a partner that gets me and has so much in common. I truly hope you find that too.

        • Pika says:

          I’m an INFJ-T too it’s been very difficult for me to find someone who really gets me and accepts me. I actually go into depressions frequently because of this. And when I’m not in my depressions I just feel numb as if there’s a void in me that wants to be filled.

    • Theresa Jones says:

      Fakers and liars urk me to the deepest depths of my core. Even worse is wen u bust them out they try to produce false reasoning of how and y they not fake or was forced to lie bc of my intimidating expectations.


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