INFJ Men as Lovers

INFJ men are complex, warm, and perceptive. They’re drawn to women who are intelligent, creative, and compassionate. While few INFJ men ever achieve perfect relationships, they always wish for them. This is a positive quality when they stay in a committed relationship but it works against them when they move from one woman to another, always seeking a partner who lives up to their ideals.

If you’re in a relationship with an INFJ male, your feelings won’t go unnoticed. He’ll pick up every nuance and shift in your mood. Sometimes you’ll think he can read your mind. He’s a skillful, attentive lover who won’t be happy unless he can give as much pleasure as he receives. He views lovemaking as a nearly spiritual experience and wants you to feel the same.

Have no fear that he’ll leave you on a whim. He’s steadfast and loyal. Hurting people is not what he does. In fact, he has a tendency to hang on to partnerships long after they start going bad. If your relationship begins to deteriorate, you’re likely to see him struggling with himself. If he finally concludes that his efforts are useless, he’s likely to move on quickly. Don’t expect to go through a series of arguments. That’s not his style. There’ll be no shouting or fighting, just a quiet announcement that it’s over and time for him to go.

If your relationship stands the test of time, you can look forward to years of meaningful companionship. You’ll receive thoughtful gifts, favors and compliments. INFJ men enjoy showing their love, but they also like to hear that their efforts are appreciated. Getting material gifts from you isn’t necessary. They’re happy with your words of pleasure and gratitude.

Don’t risk being dishonest with an INFJ man. You won’t get by with it for long. INFJs have little patience for people they consider fake or corrupt. They recognize lies quickly, even if they don’t say anything about it.

You may notice that other women are attracted to your INFJ partner. He may not realize this. He’s hard to resist because of his intelligence, warmth, and consideration. He has interesting ways of viewing the world. He inspires people to be their best. Yet because he’s a selfless person, he doesn’t recognize the impact he has on others. His modesty is part of his appeal.

If you’re lucky enough to find an INFJ man, don’t count on his making the first move. INFJs are rarely the first ones to initiate social contact. Ask whether he’d like to have coffee sometime. If he’s interested, you’ll know. Also, keep these pointers in mind:

1.  On a date, don’t talk about designer labels, top ten music, and other superficial matters. This is a major put-off for INFJs, who enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Money and fads are of limited interest.

2.  Leave your hand-held devices at home unless you need them for directions to a theatre, restaurant, etc.

3.  Don’t flirt with other men. You won’t impress your INFJ man. He’ll worry that you’re an unreliable partner.

4.  Don’t suggest that you’re out for a temporary affair.

5.  Don’t pressure him into going places that involve crowds of people, unless they’re quiet spectator events such as concerts, art shows, etc. Remember, he’s an introvert.

6.  Even though he may talk about expensive places he can take you, let him know that your idea of a good date is spending time one-on-one with him—that you’d rather be picnicking next to a river in his company than eating at a five-star restaurant.

7.  If your relationship moves on to sexual intimacy, take your time at lovemaking. Don’t rush the process. Savor every moment.

8.  Don’t lie to him, even about little things. He’ll pick up on it and your deceits will lower his opinion of you.

9.  Be patient about learning the INFJ’s innermost secrets. INFJs are more guarded than most Myers-Briggs types. If your partnership flourishes, he’ll eventually tell you everything.

Of all sixteen types, the INFJ has the greatest capacity for love and compassion in a relationship. If you find an INFJ man, hang on. He’s one in a hundred.

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15 replies
  1. delphina says:

    Both my husband and my oldest son are INFJ’s – I feel very blessed to have two very sensitive and loving men in my life and you have described their nature so very well. This description fits my husband so much that when I read it to him he went between bashful smiling to chuckling. I am an INTJ and we fit very well together – I liked your other blog too. (my youngest is ESFP – he is a refreshing presence among us!)

    One thing I was wondering about was your hints on dating an INFJ – telling people not to suggest they are out for something temporary, or to not flirt in front of them… I would phrase it: If you are interested in a temporary relationship/fling or you like to flirt a lot, this is not the personality type for you. leave them alone and find someone else.

    But maybe that is my mamma bear side not wanting anyone to break my son’s heart. 😀

  2. T says:

    It’s weird how accurate This is but anybody dating an infj male can also say that sometimes tempers can flare and it’s not always perceived in the best way. That cool off time or alone time is very well needed and partners should be aware of that.

  3. Dave says:

    The 9 suggestions in the article above. These seem so very accurate. The biggest are: 8, Don’t lie, even little one’s. Relationships have taught me to not trust. I have near 0 trust in women now. So if you are at all interested in building trust with an INFJ? Never give a reason for doubt. Be 100% truthful ! 3&2 are a little bit the same. If you have your phone with you, and you keep looking at it. I will analyze every beep, ring or click. I probably will not say a thing. I will just get up and leave forever. I will assume it is competition. I would guess most INFJ’s don’t tolerate competition. If a women is not at all interested. Then I do not need to be putting in my effort.
    I tried getting a guess-ta-mation on the odds of meeting an INFJ Man. I came up with the numbers by no accurate measurement. Men INFJ’s will be some thing like 1 person in 4,500 to 5,000 people. It was said that there is more INFJ women out there than men. Also INFJ’s don’t mingle in groups much. So I really question people claiming to know multiple INFJ’s? There seems to be many impostors claiming INFJ personality.

    • beaconadmin says:

      I’d say that your hunch about INFJ imposters is probably correct, judging from all the hype I see online, especially in FaceBook. I once wrote a blog “It’s Hard to Be an INFJ.” If those imposters only knew! Maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to jump into our shoes.

  4. Carmen says:

    I’m an ENTJ with an INFJ boyfriend. He’s teaching me a lot about patience. This article is very accurate to how he is! I love discovering who he is every time we see each other. He’s amazing!

  5. Anand Choudhury says:

    Thanks a lot. I will save this post for my future life partner to see and know about me in TOTAL in just 5 mins.


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