The way that men and women express themselves in love matches differs widely. Much of the difference can be traced back to Myers-Briggs type. Some types are more sexual than others. Both INFJ men and women are intense and creative in their love lives.
Let’s say you’ve met an INFJ woman and she fascinates you. After initial contact, you ask her out, and she’s agreed to a date. You’ve concluded that this is not a throwaway date. This is one you’d like to keep. How do you maximize your chances of forming a deeper relationship?
- Arrive at her place on time—no more than five minutes late. She’s a prompt person and she respects that quality in others. To her, it’s a sign of respect.
- Wear clean, freshly laundered clothes. If she can smell the detergent, so much the better. Also, it goes without saying, shower first. Then shave.
- If you have facial hair, trim it closely and neatly. Some women dislike facial hair. This is an issue you can follow up on later if you wish.
- Skip the cologne or aftershave. Many women object to it, or they dislike a particular scent. Some women are even allergic to scents of any sort.
- Greet her by gently shaking hands. The key to success with an INFJ woman is a slow hand.
- Don’t overwhelm her with conversation. Let her take the lead and be a good listener. If there’s one thing women agree on, men in general tend to talk too much and listen too little.
- Avoid bragging about yourself and your accomplishments. If you have a lot of money, don’t talk about it. If you drive an expensive car, downplay it in conversation.
- Open doors for her. Let her walk in front of you. It’s permissible to guide her by the elbow or a touch on the back. Make your moves easy and casual.
- At a restaurant, let the maître de or waitress guide you both to a table, with you following behind her.
- Let your date order first. If you think she’s protecting you from spending too much, say something like, “Please, order anything you like.” Then you should order something equally as expensive. She’s sensitive and will feel guilty if you don’t. Ask if she’d like a drink. If she says no, you should, too. If she says yes, order for yourself, too. In case you’re a nondrinker, just order a sparkling water.
- If she’s a little shy and not used to taking charge of a conversation, ask her some questions to show your interest, such as “Where did you grow up?” “How did you like it?” “Do you have any hobbies?” Maybe you’ll be lucky and she won’t need any prompting at all.
- Let her be the one to start eating. That’s the signal that you can begin, too.
- Leave the server a tip of 15 to 20 percent of the bill. Nothing embarrasses an INFJ woman more than a date who leaves no tip or an inadequate one.
- At a movie theatre, let her choose the seats. (“Where would you like to sit?”)
- A romantic movie or a tear-jerker often justifies holding hands. That’s fine, but let her make the first move, even though it’s a tentative one. If the movie by any chance makes you tear up, don’t be afraid to wipe your eyes so that she can see you’re moved.
- Now comes the tricky part. When you arrive back at her place, she may not ask you in. Who knows whether this is from shyness or not? If she doesn’t invite you in, simply say goodbye on the door step, holding her hands briefly and kissing her on the forehead, cheek or (lightly) mouth. Tell her what a good time you had, and you’d like to go out again. Then leave.
- Let’s say she invites you in. Take your cues from her—what she says, her body language, where she sits, etc. If it’s clear that she wants to prolong contact with you and is feeling romantic, follow her signals. Encourage her, but avoid being an obvious aggressor.
- The secret is to respond with sensitivity and gentleness, always encouraging further moves from her. You want to excite her, but not push her. Never leave her feeling she didn’t have a choice, that she was coerced into lovemaking.
- Be creative about foreplay, touching and kissing her hands, arms, neck, and face. Breathe gently into her ear. and whisper, “What are you doing to me?”
- If she starts removing her clothes, help her. Start removing yours—slowly. Whisper and talk to her. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much she turns you on, how hard it is to hold back. But do hold back.
- The variety of moves available to you both is almost endless from here on, but the trick is to always give her a bit less than she wants. Make her long for more. Eventually, you can give in, but not immediately.
- Remember the motto, “Ladies first.” However you do it, bring her to orgasm before you give in to yours. Then, when you come, express your pleasure and gratitude simply and quietly.
- After orgasm, prolong the “post-coital” release by sinking into each other arms. At this point, many men have the urge to get up and shower. Bad move! A woman’s need for “after-play” is almost always stronger than a man’s. If you want to continue your relationship with the woman, you should honor this need.
- If you’re not staying until morning, your parting should be prolonged and tender. While you’re putting your clothes back on, tell her how wonderful she was, how you want to see her again. Once you’re dressed, embrace her again. Kiss her. Tell her it’s goodbye, but not for long.
- Leave quietly, locking the door behind you.
- Assuming that you are still infatuated with this woman, send her a bouquet of flowers in the morning or just an email message. Keep the fire kindled!
Remember that the steps applying to lovemaking apply all the time. Never should you give in to the temptation to rush things, unless the drive comes from your partner. The man with a slow hand always wins—at least with INFJ women.