Extraverted Kids—Myers-Briggs Types

According to the Myers Briggs system of classifying personalities, extraverted children come in eight types. The only trait that runs as a constant thread through all types is Extraversion (I). All these children are outgoing and talkative compared with their quieter counterparts, the eight introverts. The other traits represented in the group of extraverts are Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F), and Perceiving (P) vs. Judging (J).

ESTP—Extraverted (I), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Perceiving (J)

ESTP children love the taste of freedom. They are energetic and rambunctious. Where the action is—that’s where they want to be. They dislike sitting still, preferring to be outside, involved in energy-intensive activities. They prefer challenges to sitting still and watching life pass them by. If they enjoy school, it’s mainly because the classroom is a place to get together with friends. After-school activities are high on their list of pleasures. If they don’t excel academically, it’s mainly because they want to do things their way in their own time. They favor inanimate objects such as action toys, games, and sports equipment and take good care of them. Pleasing themselves is their aim.

ESTJ— Extraverted (I), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Judging (J)

ESTJ children tend to be obedient and reliable. They’re also organized and practical. In general, they are action-oriented, rolling up their sleeves for any job at hand and digging in to get the chore done. They’re quick to decide on practical aims and set them into motion. They figure out what needs to be acted on, follow through, and finish on time. They like closure. They make sure everyone else is doing their job, too—often a source of irritation for other types. They are best at tasks that require organization and structure and come to a conclusive end. They like activities in which winners are rewarded with trophies and badges (such as soccer and Scouts). ESTJ children want to do things properly and will voluntarily sign up for class or lessons. The planning alone brings comfort to them.

ESFP—Extraverted (I), Sensing (S), Feeling (F), Perceiving (P)

ESFP children are naturally warm, active, and drawn to other people. They are concerned about the welfare and safety of those around them. They use touch as a way to show that they care. It’s difficult to ignore ESFP children because they are so oriented to the present, particularly where others are concerned. They are even open to strangers, an inclination that sometimes worries parents. They often sense what’s going on before anyone else notices. Their dispositions are bright and sunny. The enjoy laughing at themselves and others. It’s hard to find them sitting still. Because of their outgoing dispositions, they have many loyal friends. They’re popular in school. At their best, ESFPs meet the needs of their friends and families in lively, fun ways.

ESFJ—Extraverted (I), Sensing (S), Feeling (T), Judging (J)

ESFJ children want life to be secure, harmonious and structured. Parents can count on them to get their chores done reliably and responsibly. They finish whatever they start. They follow the rules and guidelines given to them, accepting them as fair and reasonable, on the whole. When they disagree with any of them, they feel betrayed by the “system.”  It’s important to them that they receive approval and praise for what they accomplish. Pleasing their elders is important to them. They will go to great lengths to help people in trouble or in pain. ESFJs radiate warmth and acceptance and fit in well with their classmates. They may be active in several clubs or after-school activities to enjoy the fellowship of friends. In groups of other children, they are sometimes viewed as “peacemakers”—children who know how to smooth over disagreements.

ENTP—Extraverted (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P)

ENTP children are lively and questioning. They don’t work or play according to established guidelines. They find their own way. They have faith in their ability to improvise and find workable solutions to any problems that arise. They value innovation, and flexibility. Telling ENTP children that they must follow certain traditions is like inviting rebellion.  However, they are also good a persuading people to see things their way. They use their ingenuity and cleverness to bring others around to their personal perspective of the situation. They are often several steps ahead of their peers and even grownups in facing challenges of the present and future. Change and innovation are the kind of environment they thrive in. Even at a young age, their entrepreneurial skills are at hand to push against all odds, furthering their projects.

ENTJ—Extraverted (E), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Judging (J)

ENTJ children need objectives for everything—better grades than anyone else, winning contests, beating other contestants in various kinds of competitions. They take charge of themselves effectively and often other people, as well. They aim fora measurable. observable goals. ENTJs have a strong desire to take control and shape the goals of others.  They want structure and order in their lives. When others formulate the guidelines, ENTJs will go along with them if the guidelines seem reasonable. If not, they will rebel and attempt to change the rules. They are excellent time managers. All in all, they enjoy a diverse lifestyle and are engaged in different extracurricular activities—of which they are often leaders, chairs, or captains. They pursue leadership roles very clearly and are competitive in attaining them. However, if someone more competent comes along, they will glad accede to the person. They are at their best using their strategic and analytical thought patterns. They keep their environments as orderly as possible.

ENFP—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (T), Perceiving (J)

ENFP are among the most curious of all the types. Their questions are endless, often starting with the word “Why?” when they play, their inventions are endless. Rarely are they satisfied with traditional toys or conventional ways of playing with them. Their innovations are rarely practical but they satisfy the ENFP’s creative urge—plays, sidewalk sales, made-up languages. Because of their rich imaginations and ability to improvise, they enjoy play-acting drawing, writing, and just day-dreaming. The excitement of being with an ENFP rewards them with many friends. They are agreeable, outgoing, sociable children who like to think about the future. When with friends, they’ll spend hours discussing whom they will marry, where they’ will settle down and what their careers will be. They don’t like closing options and will often decide upon mutually exclusive occupations (nurse, actress) without feeling the need to close out any of them. Their fearless, adventurous spirit often finds them in the role of initiators of change. They appreciate the needs of others and often ready to help them out.

ENFJ—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (T), Judging (P)

ENFJ children are friendly, lively, and cooperative. They are pleasant, outgoing, and talkative. They enjoy being with other people and are responsible in their actions and social responsibilities. ENFJs are constantly on the go, participating in a wide variety of activities—not only for the opportunities and adventure, but also for the chance to interact with other children. They are at their best facilitating cooperation among their peers and smoothing out any disharmony. They will often sacrifice their own convenience and desires to satisfy the needs of their peer group. ENFJs are uncomfortable with conflict. They are capable and persuasive communicators. They’re often given leadership roles because of this tendency. They focus on interpersonal values and concentrate on the best aspects of any group they belong to, as well as the pleasing qualities of their friends and peers. Whatever tasks they undertake must have a spiritual element, even if it’s just camaraderie.

 

lntroverted Kids—Myers Briggs Types

According to the Myers Briggs system of classifying personalities, introverted children come in eight types. The only trait that runs as a constant thread through all types is Introversion (I). The others are Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F), and Perceiving (P) vs. Judging (J).

ISTJ—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Judging (J)

ISTJ children are reserved and responsible. They’re sincere and systematic in whatever they undertake. They function well in stable structures, where they know what’s expected of them.  They are happiest in a comfortable school setting and an orderly family. They are cautious in unfamiliar social settings where they meet new people. They’d rather spend time with friends, whom they’ve selected carefully. “Slow and steady” and “Work before play” are their mottoes

ISTP—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P)

ISTPs are flexible and action-oriented children. They are great observers and enjoy figuring out how things work.  Their curiosity drives them to gather details of particular subjects in which they’re involved, such as bugs, bicycles, dolls, etc. A girl who gets a drone as a gift may well develop a longstanding interest in airplanes and other devices that fly. They enjoy sharing detailed information about their hobbies, especially with other hobbyists. They take note of the differences between what people say and what they actually do.

ISFJ—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Feeling (F), Judging (J)

ISFJ children are hardworking, loyal, conscientious, and service-oriented. Rarely are they a problem for their teachers and parents. ISFJs shy away from conflict and try to keep the peace at all costs. Because they like to please grownups, they’re often seen as perfect children. Routine and security are important to them. They want to know who will be at home when they arrive from school, whom they’ll play with, and so on. Frequently they are worriers. Because they are so introverted, it may not occur to them to share their problems with others. They have a few close friends, whom they may keep for years.

ISFP—Introverted (I), Sensing (S), Feeling (F), Perceiving (P)

ISFP children are quiet, pleasant and kind. They tend to have a number of friends because they are easy to like. They notice the feelings of others. When there is disharmony among their friends, and they try to restore peace. They notice what pleases others and often make gifts for people they like especially. They are very often aware of the sensations in their bodies and for this reason may enjoy pastimes such as dancing and ice-skating. They’re oriented toward deeply felt personal values and thus may find themselves outside certain popular social groups.

 

INFJ—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (F), Judging (J)

INFJ have two sides. On the one hand, they have a strong need for privacy, often spending long hours reading. Onthe other, they enjoy creative play with their friends—building snow forts, playing store, and so on. Solitude gives them a chance to think about the things most important to them. They have strong values, abhorring violence, and cruelty. They are quietly firm about their convictions, stepping to the fore only when no one else will. Gifted with words, they write well and when they do speak out, they’re eloquent. They have no fear.

INTP—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P)

INTP children create fantasy worlds that they dream about. They’re immersed in their thoughts and books. Their parents sometimes worry whether they’re in touch with reality.F

This type of child often turns out to be adept at verbal communication, especially in writing. In new situations, they are reserved often to the point of being reluctant to give their names. They prefer relying on their own intuition and judgment rather than taking advice from others. Early on, they decide what’s important to them.

INTP—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (F), Perceiving (P)

INFPs often amuse themselves with their private thoughts and fantasies rather get involved in the company of others. After moving to a new neighborhood, many will stay indoors and read rather than go out and make friends. When they do venture out, their circle is small. It’s where they feel most comfortable. Once they relax, they can make creative, amusing companions. While they make a welcome addition to a group, their own perception is often that they are “the odd man out.”

INFPs depend on themselves for answers to important questions. If they make mistakes, they are reluctant to admit them. They have firm value systems, which they refuse to bend. If the others choose to, that’s fine. Because of their outward gentleness, they will not make a big deal out of it.

INTJ—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Judging (J)

The independent nature of INTJs appears early in life. As children, they enjoy thinking about the way the world ought to be. They can be resistant to what authorities tell them when it contradicts what they believe. They like to establish their own rules and guidelines. The life of the mind is critical to their sense of who they are. They get involved in social activities only if they serve a particular purpose for them. The search for meaning and knowledge is what’s most important.

 

INTP—Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P)

As children, INTPs are inwardly focused, often enjoying their own company more than shared activities. They enjoy fantasies, mysteries and creative stories. Their style of entertaining themselves may be much different from that of most children. 

They think about life and the natural world in a questioning, exploratory way (“Why is the moon broken?” one boy asked his grandmother.) Often gentle and soft-spoken in appearance and manner, INTPs can be hard and aggressive when defending a truth. They are at their best developing complicated ideas.

 

 

Sensors vs. Intuitives—The Dating Game

In the dating game, the Sensing and Intuitive Myers-Briggs preferences can be a source of excitement and, at the same time, confusion.

Sensors are realistic about dating partners. They judge other people by what they do and say. Being grounded in objective reality, they aren’t impressed by phony facades or bragging. They clearly see the good and the bad in the here and now. Intuitives, with their active imaginations, are more titillated by the possibilities in their minds than what’s actually taking place in the present. They extrapolate from the evidence in front of them and don’t take it at face value. Sensors may fantasize, too, but they’re more likely to do it after the fact. Their perceptions in the moment must agree with what’s going on in reality, rather than their wishful thinking about the future.

Sensors are more tuned to their senses: how the date looks and sounds, whether he or she smells nice and has agreeable tastes in music and food. For them, the dating experience happens through the five senses. Intuitives are more interested in their hunches about the person. They experience dates more in the sense of potential for the future. The Intuitive is more interested in images conjured up by their imaginations—in other words, what the date should be like, more than what he or she actually is.

For Sensors, the date begins only when the two parties stand face to face. For Intuitives, the date begins as soon as arrangements are made. That leaves plenty of time to fantasize about possibilities.

One problem arises when the two types actually get together for their date. Sensors may have trouble following the Intuitive’s many trains of thought. Because good conversation is a major factor in the early phases of the dating game, the differences between the two types begin to emerge sooner rather than later. Sensors like to talk about concrete things: people they’ve met, experiences they’ve had, places they’ve been—with specifics provided in detail. Intuitives would rather talk about their dreams, visions, ideas, and other intangibles.

One aggravating problem for both parties lies in the details each provides. Sensing partners tend to interrupt the stories of their partners with corrections about dates, places, and so on. The Intuitive is less interested in minute details than in the main theme of the story.

Here’s an example of a story about poor restaurant service that Joe is telling friends:

Joe: We were eating at Chez Pierre, and they brought me a Martini instead of a Bloody Mary.

Susan: They brought you a Manhattan by mistake.

Joe: Then it took almost an hour to deliver my entrée.

Susan: It was 40 minutes.

Joe: And the trout wasn’t even cooked thoroughly.

Susan: You ordered grouper that night.

You can see how this couple could run into irritating conflicts over time—with the Sensing person aggravated by her partner’s factual errors and the Intuitive’s annoyance at being interrupted and contradicted like a small child.

For Sensors, it’s important that facts be presented correctly. The details are as important as flow and underlying meaning. For the Intuitive, the underlying message takes stage center.

Extraverts vs. Introverts—The Dating Game

Extraverts are naturals at the dating game. You can count on them to take the role of pursuer, make the date, and do the talking. They know how to fill the time and provide the entertainment, whether it’s just an evening of talking or a night on the town.

Extraverts carry on conversations with remarkable ease. In fact, when spending an evening with an Introvert, they can ask all the right questions, provide the answers, and then thank the Introvert for a wonderful time. They suggest different activities—bowling, dancing, the movies, etc. It’s not that Introverts are pushovers. But one event in an evening is enough, while Extraverts like to be everywhere at once.

The fact is, despite their differences, Introverts are drawn to Extraverts for their outgoing nature. Because they are so congenial, Extraverts can carry an entire conversation on their shoulders with no help from outsiders. They can practice their extraversion on ushers, waiters, hostesses, and anyone else within earshot. One Introvert said of her Extravert date, “I don’t need to show up for a date. My partner might not even miss me, but he’ll thank me for a good time.” It’s easy to be with an Extravert. You don’t have to worry how to act or what to say in public, or in private for that matter. The Extravert will do it all.

The ease of being with an Extravert is especially helpful in the first stages of a relationship. Don’t know what to say? Extraverts can keep a conversation going when nothing needs to be said. That’s why Extraverts perform so well on casual introductory dates. An Extravert coupled with an Introvert can enjoy the company of another person while still being alone, in a sense.

The advantages of the combination? The Extravert can keep the Introvert from isolating themselves too much of the time. On the other hand, Extraverts, like all of us, need some quiet time to keep from getting frayed around the edges. Introverts provide those intervals of peace and quiet.

Perceiving vs. Judging—The Dating Game

Perceiving (P) and Judging (J) are a set of opposite traits on the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory. They are called the attitude traits. The other three sets are Extraversion vs. Introversion (energy), Sensing vs. Intuition (information-processing), and Thinking vs. Feeling (decision-making). Differences in the J-P function may cause considerable friction among opposites—particularly between the Judger, for example, who is always on time for appointments and the Perceiver who always arrives late.

The differences between a Perceiver and Judger are hard to hide on a day-to-day basis. Concealing one’s type is not all that difficult for other types. For example, an Introvert may have cultivated enough interpersonal and communications skills that he or she can come across as an Extravert. This is not uncommon. Or a smooth-talking Thinker may come across as a Feeling type when he or she is anything but. The J-P difference, on the other hand, is difficult to mask.

The differences between the two types are seen in the following example.

P: I saw the new library building this morning.
P: It must hold a lot of books.
P: The library will be open evenings.

J: I saw it, too. The architecture is beautiful. It must have cost a pretty penny.
J: I’ll look forward to a larger selection of books now.
J: I’m glad it will be open evenings. I can go after work.

Notice that the Perceiver makes no judgments about the new library. She’s seen it. It’s big. And it’s open in the evenings. On the other hand, the Judger’s remarks are full of value statements. The architecture is “beautiful.” He looks forward to a larger selection of books. He’s happy that he can now visit the library after work. These three statements have considerably more attitudinal closure—the hallmark of the Judger—than those made by the Perceiver.

This example is pretty tame compared with many of the scenarios faced by couples, based on their attitudes and outlook. In real life, both parties can get irritated by the obtuseness of the other. The Judger has an opinion, a plan, and a schedule for nearly everything. Perceivers, meanwhile, seem wishy-washy with their lack of opinions. They are easygoing about everything short of life-and-death issues.

Neither function, Perceiving or Judging, is better than the other. We need both types in the world.  J’s need P’s to inspire them to relax, collect more information before reaching a decision, and not make major issues of relatively unimportant matters. P’s need J’s to help them get organized and follow through on decisions.

Judgers can be described as orderly and organized. Their actions are controlled. They’re always on schedule. They seem to make decisions quickly with a minimum of stress—far too quickly for the anxious Perceiver. Judgers plan their work and their daily activities and then stick to the plan, Even leisure time is organized. For Judgers, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything.

Perceivers try to create an environment that allows them to be flexible and spontaneous. They want to be ready to adapt to a variety of conditions that can’t be predicted. Making and sticking to decisions prematurely causes them anxiety. The person whose friends have trouble understanding where he or she stands on specific issues is usually a Perceiver—flexible, open, and not judgmental.

At their respective extremes, the Perceiver is almost incapable of making decisions. Judgers find it almost impossible to change theirs.

Thinking vs. Feeling—The Conflict

Thinking and Feeling are a set of opposite traits on the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory. They are called the decision-making traits. The other three sets are Extraversion vs. Introversion (energy), Sensing vs. Intuition (how information is processed), and Perceiving vs. Judging (attitude).

Everyone exercises their Thinking-Feeling function based on information they’ve gathered, one way or another. This decision-making function—unlike the information-gathering function, which is the process of taking in data before doing anything about it—is all about closure. It is focused. Its purpose is to make judgments and determine what action to take.

 The Differences

When a couple is buying a car, they look at its appearance, determine the price, and then test-drive it. During this time, they’re gathering information. If all the qualities of the car are right, they may decide to buy it. The buyer who is a Thinker—analytical, detached, and logical—is driven by objective information. He or she is likely to be swayed by price, mechanical characteristics of the car, and resale value. The Feeling person—flexible and more emotional—is likely to be influenced by comfort, eye appeal, and what others will think of the car.

If the Thinker and Feeler arrive at the same conclusion, that doesn’t mean that they’ve taken the same route to the decision. If, for example, the car were a distasteful color in the eyes of the Feeler, that alone could be sufficient reason for him to reject it as a choice. On the other hand, the Thinker might find the color of minor importance, outweighed by other factors. In this case, the two will disagree on the decision.

Conflict

Too often, in the intimate areas of life, Thinkers and Feelers pass like ships in the night. Because they so easily misunderstand each other, their dialogue is often laced with negative feelings and unresolved issues. Much interpersonal dissatisfaction can be the result on both sides.

It should be clear that Thinkers do more than just think. They feel, too. And the opposite is true. Feelers think. At best, the Thinking person can bring objectivity to the table in any decision-making situation involving the partners. The Feeling person brings an awareness of how their decision can influence others, or the subjective outcome of their proposed action. Together, they can complement each other, listening carefully to the arguments put forth by the other party. In this way, they can reach a decision that meets both their needs.

Thinkers Feel, Too

Because a Thinking person tends to be objective, it doesn’t mean that he’s always decisive. What’s at stake is the process by which the decisions are reached. The thinker tends to be objective and removed, while the Feeler is totally involved. Both care, think, and feel, but the routes by which they arrive at their decisions are very different. When they fail to understand each other, they can fall into the trap of mutual put-downs.

While more American men are Thinkers rather than Feelers and more American women are Feelers, it doesn’t mean that the trait is gender-specific. It’s estimated that about twenty-five percent of men are Feelers, and the same percentage of women are Thinkers. On first impression, this might be viewed as a natural and appealing split. Some women are charmed by a manly decision-maker, while many men may find feminine flexibility attractive. Over time, however, their differences can become a source of interpersonal problems. This is particularly true when women are thinking types and men are Feeling types. These women don’t follow the feminine stereotype of soft, malleable creatures. The men who show feelings too readily aren’t considered macho enough.

The Solution

For the Feeling and Thinker to be compatible, they should understand the advantages of their different points of view and profit by them, not criticize each other.

Traits of Thinkers vs. Feelers

Thinkers                      Feelers

Firm                             Flexible

Clear                            Subtle

Critical                         Tolerant

Detached                     Involved

Just                              Compassionate

Legal-minded              Fair-hearted

Objective                     Subjective

Is Romance in the Air?  INFJ Meets INFP

INFP and INFJ types are a alike in many ways. Both types are introverted (I), intuitive (N), and feeling (F). They have rich inner lives and treasure their solitude. Their intuition is highly developed, giving them the ability to see what’s going on under the surface. They understand why people do the things they do. Because they see through facades and games, deceivers and players can seldom fool them for long. INFPs and INFJs examine every piece of evidence for its fundamental truth and then seek the wider context into which it fits.

As idealists, both types drive themselves to achieve their goals, which are frequently humanitarian. If they don’t have the luxury of choosing careers that meet their needs, they spend much of their spare time helping others. Their values are strong and their principles firm—unless they find a valid reason to change them. Their biggest question is, “What’s my purpose?” This quest helps them form a close bond together.

 INFPs and INFJs set such high standards for themselves that they’re often disappointed in the results of their work. Because they don’t give themselves enough credit, they need each other’s support. One encourages the other.

They protect their privacy. When they’re not allowed enough time alone, they feel drained. They need solitude to recharge their batteries and get their energy back. As friends and partners, they understand this and are usually generous about giving each other space.

Both are somewhat prone to depression. Their introversion inclines them to be loners, giving them the tendency to brood over problems without checking the facts with others. Their feeling preference inclines them to exaggerate the importance of conflicts or hurt feelings.

Both types are generally well liked due to their warmth and sincerity. They make good listeners, put others at ease, and are valued as friends and confidantes.

Friendship

The intuitive skills shared by the INFP and INFJ form their strongest bond. They usually agree on important matters. Due to differences in their perceiving and judging functions, however, they don’t always carry out practical tasks in the same way. The INFP may start a painting project, then leave it half-finished—intending to finish at a more convenient time. INFJs aren’t happy until the job is complete.

As intuitive individuals, they sift through their experiences to discover their meaning. How does the evidence fit into the big picture? People with a sensing preference, whose intuition is less developed, tend to accept things at surface value. They see no point in overthinking matters. As a result, they may fail to appreciate the insights and predictions of INFPs and INFJs—sometimes at their peril.

INFPs and INFJs frequently have compatible careers requiring verbal skills. They cooperate and communicate effectively with others. Often they hold medical or social service jobs. Their sharp intuition helps them solve problems, their feeling function encourages people to trust them, and their introversion gives them time to contemplate the complex factors in situations. They prefer careers that don’t emphasize details but focus on patterns. These similarities give them a lot in common as friends.

While both types get along with others, group projects frustrate them. They get annoyed by people who don’t live up to their standards or fail to see the big picture. They generally remain polite, but inside they may be seething. When an INFP and INFJ collaborate on projects, they may have conflicts over deadlines as the former dawdles while the latter pushes to finish on time.

Taking on too much to please others is a problem they have in common. Also, they may give others the impression that they agree on the details of a project when in fact they do not. This is true of them as friends as well as participants in the larger community. They need to assert themselves more and learn to be honest, giving negative feedback when it’s important.

Romance

When INFPs fall in love with INFJs, the natural reserve of the former makes it hard for them to express their affection in words. It’s a little easier for the INFJ, who can also be shy but is better at taking action. Both can be eloquent in their physical expressions of love. As lovers, they are tender and creative. This helps keep the relationship anchored.

The two types are sensitive and easily hurt. One or the other can easily misinterpret a casual statement, offhand action, or forgotten promise and feel rejected. When one says, “I’ll be late tonight” as he or she leaves the house and means nothing more than that, the other may give the statement a sinister interpretation. To avoid bruised egos, they need to remember the importance of frequent reality checks.

Both tend to overdramatize situations and ignore the simple facts. When a disagreement comes up, they can get out of touch with each other. They have to release their ego investment and back-pedal in order to find common ground.

They tend to be absent-minded, too, which can be annoying for everyone. Where are the house keys? Did anyone let the cat in this morning? What time were we supposed to be there? Both are likely to shrug and say they don’t know.

Fortunately, they’re tolerant of each other because they share the inability to recall the concrete details of life. Such mundane matters don’t hold their attention.

Home Life

As parents, both types listen attentively to each other and their children, although INFJs are slightly less patient because of their judging function. They’re more likely to interrupt a conversation to see where it’s going. The INFP is content to listen without closure. INFPs wait to think about what’s been said before deciding what to do.

They avoid conflicts. Under normal conditions, they’re courteous and respectful, seldom raising their voices. When a problem comes up, they talk it over. The difference is that INFJs have a stronger need to decide who’s right and who’s wrong, while the INFP’s main goal is to preserve good will in the family. Both get rattled by conflict, but the INFJ is more likely to stand his or her ground on critical issues.

When it’s time for a vacation, INFJ parents are generally the chief planners. Their inclination to arrange details before checking them out with the family can cause problems, but after they’ve set off, the parents have no problem giving everyone time alone. After all, they want that, too. When the family re-gathers, they relax and have fun.

Nurturing their children comes naturally to INFPs and INFJs. They are patient, devoted, and protective parents. However, when friction arises over, say, a child’s behavior, they tend to keep their objections to themselves longer than they should. Eventually the INFJ in particular is likely to blow up.

Secrets of Success

INFPs and INFJs whose four Myers-Briggs functions are healthy and well developed can accomplish great things, although they are generally humble about them. Respect for personal boundaries is an important key to success for the INFJ/INFP couple. Each has strong needs for privacy along with their need for mutual support.

 

 

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Is Romance in the Air? INFJ Meets ISTP

If you’re an INFJ, you may find yourself drawn to ISTPs. They’re quietly competent, people of few words who make every utterance worth listening to. They pay attention. They have emotional control. How refreshing!

INFJs and ISTPs have very different personalities. The only trait they have in common is introversion (I). Because both are private people, they prefer thinking about things to talking about them. They’re quiet, but their minds are always busy.

What about the other traits? First, ISTPs, being sensing (S) types, are matter-of-fact and observant of what’s going on around them. Intuitive INFJs, being more creative and less down-to-earth, are often unaware of details. They lose things like cell phones and credit cards frequently.

Second, the ISTP, a thinking type (T), makes decisions based on the facts and logic of a situation, not emotional nuances. If they’re paying to have a job done and the work is shoddy, the INFJ may worry about confronting the worker and hurting his or her feelings. The ISTP is more objective. The job isn’t satisfactory and the worker must be told.

Finally, perceiving (P) ISTPs avoid final decisions and are more comfortable when things are left open-ended. They’re casual about appointments and deadlines. They can undertake two or three projects at a time. INFJs do only one thing at a time, and they’re punctual and deadline-oriented. With their preference for judging (J), they like to see decisions made and situations brought to closure.

Friendship

While INFJs and ISTPs may have philosophical differences, they can complement each other in practical ways as friends. Unlike INFJs, ISTPs generally have good eye-hand coordination and understand how things work. Faced with a car repair, for example, the INFJ can usually rely on an ISTP friend to figure out what’s wrong with the vehicle before making a deal with a mechanic. ISTPs are unlikely to be fooled by mechanics or other fixers of things. They may even be able to repair the car themselves. Because they rely on their sensing preference more than their intuition, they think problems through while working on them. Unlike INFJs, they’re not interested in theories.

When a friendship between these two types runs aground, it’s usually because of conflicts in thinking and feeling. ISTPs make decisions based on facts father than feelings and values. This impersonal approach gives them a tendency to be unaware of the reactions of others to the things they do. They may not even be clear about their own emotions. Although INFJs do examine the facts, they’re more likely to be concerned with the impact of their decisions on others. Because of this difference, the ISTP can offend the INFJs without meaning to.

Romance

When ISTPs are looking for romance they seek partners who give them freedom to follow their own interests or, better yet, share these interests. An ISTP who loves camping may persuade an INFJ of the fun of sleeping in a tent. If the INFJ shows some enthusiasm, the ISTP may acquaint the person details about types of tents, sleeping bags, and cooking equipment. Before long, the two are likely to find themselves planning a trip to the nearest state park for a weekend.

Because both types are shy about expressing their feelings toward each other in words, they look for other ways to show their affection, such as finding gifts that will please the partner. They offer to cook, run errands, and do other practical favors. They prefer to show their feelings through actions rather than words. They don’t often speak words of love to each other, because they believe that the things they do together convey the message. The way they talk about their relationship is likely to be subtle and indirect. The words “I love you” don’t come easily. It’s easier to say, “Let’s eat at this restaurant again soon.”

If one partner decides to leave the other, the rejected ISTP is quiet about his or her suffering. ISTPs don’t give up easily on their relationships unless the facts make it obvious that the partnership won’t work out. A rejected INFJ may take longer to recover from a broken romance and be reluctant to take the risk to move on.

Home Life

When an INFJ and ISTP decide to make their relationship permanent and live together, they usually find that it takes effort and patience to preserve the bond that they enjoyed initially. To avoid unnecessary friction, the two must respect each other’s ways of thinking and feeling. The ISTP should try to understand the INFJs need for emotional support. For this to happen, usually the INFJ must explain his or her needs to the ISTP and make suggestions for meeting them. At the same time, INFJs shouldn’t expect ISTPs to be their sole source of emotional support. They need to cultivate a few friends who can empathize with their feelings. It’s a good idea to spread dependency needs around.

Secrets of Success

A well-matched pair of INFJs and ISTJs can complement each other in ways that benefit them both. The INFJ can appreciate the ISTP’s ability to enjoy the details of life without over-thinking, as INFJs tend to do. ISTPs have an uncomplicated way of viewing the world. This can be a relief to the complex INFJ for whom very little is easy. The ISTP’s life is enriched by the creative, witty INFJ who is usually a pleasure to be around.

 

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Is Romance in the Air? INFJ Meets ENFP

Myers-Briggs personality traits have a lot to do with the potential for romance, friendship, and working relationships. They’re important in family life, too. Romance has a better chance of lasting between lovers of similar Myers-Briggs types. Siblings of the same personality type are likely to get along better than those of very different types.

People of the Myers-Briggs INFJ personality type share some characteristics with the ENFP type, but not others. They differ in their sociability (I = introvert, E = extravert), but share their preferences for both intuition (I) and feeling (F)—the main reason for their attraction to each other. Both types have an uncanny ability to size people up as the result of their intuitive gifts. The difference is that the INFJ is less likely to share discoveries and insights unless prompted. Because of their shared feeling preference, both are kind, compassionate. Their differences in Perceiving (P) and Judging (J) explain why they go about tasks differently—the perceiving type being more easy-going and less driven than the punctual, conscientious judging type.

Life is fun with ENFPs, who never tire of developing new interests. They’re at their best in situations that are fluid and changing. Even in their day-to-day activities they look for new ways of doing things. The same is true of INFJs except that they are drawn to activities that involve fewer social contacts and less communication with others. INFJs are more private.

Friendship

INFJs and ENFPs can spend long hours talking and laughing together because their ways of thinking are similar. Their intuitive and feeling traits are the glue that holds the friendship together. However, they are often at odds about their differences in sociability. The INFJ may grow weary of the amount of time the ENFP spends in the company of others. He or she regrets that the ENFP doesn’t take more pleasure in their time alone as friends.

In healthy friendships, compromise is the key. If the ENFP accepts many party invitations, the INFJ can consent to attend some but bow out of others.  Each friend needs to understand the character of the other, honor his or her preferences, and adapt some of the time.

Another difference between them concerns punctuality. The INFJ is rarely tardy and gets things done when promised. ENFPs have a tendency to be late. They lose track of time, because they underestimate how long it will take to finish what they’re doing. They miss deadlines or are slow in meeting their commitments. This happy-go-lucky attitude often annoys INFJs, who think it irresponsible. ENFPs, on the other hand, may consider INFJs clock-watchers.

Romance

ENFPs have such appealing personalities that they’re never short of admirers. When a relationship takes hold with an INFJ, the bond is likely to be intense at first, as the ENFP showers attention on the other person. The INFJ feels honored and unconditionally loved. However, many of these relationships wear out over time, and the ENFP begins looking for another conquest.

Being in love is an almost constant state for ENFPs. When the love bug gets them, they study all aspects of the new partner. ENFPs tend to idealize their current relationships, thinking that the latest one is the best of all.

Whether male or female, ENFPs can be seductive. They know how to appeal to attractive prospects and make themselves desirable. Sometimes they go too far in their quest for affection, making the INFJ feel pressured and deprived of private time. If this makes the INFJ uneasy, the ENFP is likely to get anxious and needy. A discussion about the importance of boundaries may help ease the ENFP’s jittery response to a partner’s hesitance.

Being abandoned by an ENFP partner is hard on the sensitive INFJ, who thinks, “I’ll never find a person this wonderful again.” In contrast, a rejected ENFJ usually smarts at first, but then recovers by exaggerating the partner’s shortcomings and concentrating on new prospects. When ENFPs are left by a lover, they rebound quickly.

Home Life

INFJs who marry ENFPs find that they’re enjoyable to live with. They also make good parents. They know how to turn family chores into enjoyable activities. If there’s a task that’s boring, they find a way to make it interesting. They infuse family life with creativity and avoid letting their home get too structured, with no room for imagination. When the freewheeling goes too far, however, the INFJ may complain that things are getting out of control.

ENFPs may consider themselves organized in their home life, but INFJ partners often take a different view. The ENFPs’ desire to be open to new possibilities is usually stronger than their need to keep things neat and tidy. When they fix meals, the kitchen is likely to be a mess. Their offices or dens are cluttered. There’s always something more interesting to do than clean up.

Because of their wide-ranging interests, ENFPs tend to change jobs often—even career tracks—with the result that their finances are shaky. Partly this is due to their success at landing jobs for which they’re not fully qualified. If the family needs a steady income, the tendency of ENFPs to quit jobs or get fired may frustrate INFJs.

Secrets of Success

INFJs and ENFPs share the gifts of compassion and desire to help others. They’re champions of good causes—whether their efforts are directed at people, animals, or the environment. By cooperating in their efforts to help others, they strengthen their own personal bond. They make good partners, and together they are an admirable team.

 

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Is Romance in the Air? INFJ Meets INFJ

When two INFJs find each other, they’re lucky. After all, only one percent of the population is the INFJ type. INFJs are kind, generous, and helpful to others. When friends or even strangers are in trouble, INFJs hurry to the rescue. They’re ready to offer creative solutions or hands-on support.

As friends or partners, each can depend on the other to behave with integrity—whatever the setting. Their actions match their ideals. While they don’t make a fuss about their standard of ethics, it’s apparent in everything they do.

Despite their admiration for each other, they are shy about giving and receiving praise due to their introverted personalities. They try to avoid the spotlight, even with one other person. Small talk is not their forte. They’d rather be quiet than engage in trivial conversation. In general, INFJs are at their best concentrating on their ideas and inspirations—not engaging in social banter.

Friendship

INFJs usually forge lasting friendships when they’re lucky enough to find each other. As friends, they work together harmoniously and are persistent about meeting their shared goals. If they meet resistance from outside sources, they only get more determined. Their friends and acquaintances respect their quiet strength and ability to support each other. Even at play, they’re a delight to be with because they’re so friendly, honest, and good-natured.

Because of their shared introversion, they’d rather be alone together than out socializing. When they’re enjoying themselves they may hesitate to invite others into the inner circle. They would do well to make friends with a few extraverts who can encourage them to share their fun or work. Spending time solely as a couple can cause the partners to stagnate without their realizing it.

INFJs are a pleasure to collaborate with when they don’t get too driven. They are clear-thinking, intelligent, and witty. Together, INFJ friends are keen observers of the human scene. By the time they share their insights with each other, they’ve usually covered all the bases. You can’t put much over on a pair of INFJs.

Romance

When two INFJs become romantically attached, they may at first feel shy about showing their affection. They aren’t big risk-takers in the business of romance. They make subtle gestures to encourage the object of their affection. They’re cautious about expressing their feelings for fear of rejection.

If  INFJs seem aloof, it’s because they do such a good job of hiding their feelings. It isn’t easy for them to make their emotional needs known. When two INFJs recognize these qualities in each other, they generally have the patience to fish for clues. Eventually they reveal themselves.

Once two INFJs become close, they’re delighted with the treasure they’ve found. Both have rich imaginations and quick minds. They inspire each other to grow and develop without being controlling.

If, for some reason, the INFJ/INFJ match isn’t working well, the dissatisfied partner may try to postpone a separation because the intimacy is so important. In cases where one is married and the other isn’t, trouble may result. Since INFJs are loyal and ethical, they’re unlikely to leave a marriage partner. When they do, they suffer guilt and remorse. This isn’t good for any relationship. When two INFJs break up, both suffer. Neither forgets the other. Some longing for the relationship will always remain.

Home Life

INFJ partners are idealists as partners and parents. They strive for harmony, sometimes avoiding family conflicts that should be resolved by direct means. When disagreements arise, INFJ partners do well to find privacy and quiet time to discuss them. Because they’re complex people with subtle feelings, conflicts need to be sorted out carefully. Bold confrontations tend to backfire and cause resentments.

As parents, INFJs encourage their children to develop a number of skills and get a good education. They will sacrifice considerable time and money to this end.

If the children appear rebellious, uncooperative, or difficult for any reason, INFJs try hard to discover the source of the problem. As long as the children put forth genuine effort and appear to be making good use of their intelligence and skills, the parents are mostly happy.

The INFJs’ home has an abundance of books, sports equipment, musical instruments, and other paraphernalia scattered around as evidence of the couple’s many interests and hobbies. The more they can share these as a family, the happier they are. At the same time, each needs personal space where he or she can work and think in private.

The homes of INFJ couples are sometimes neat and organized, sometimes cluttered. It depends on how caught up they are in current hobbies and interests. Keeping an orderly environment feels good, but it’s not top priority. Their surroundings may be cluttered but their minds are extremely organized.

Secrets of  Success

INFJs have a strong attraction for each other. To keep their relationship healthy, they need to preserve their needs for personal privacy. They should give each other the space needed for individual pursuits. At the same time, they should take time for social activities that get them out of the house and around other people.

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