Introverts at Risk
Each of the sixteen Myers-Briggs types is unique and different. Some types are outgoing and gregarious, while others treasure their privacy. Some are serious and others are fun-loving. Some are warm and giving and others are cool-headed and objective. A few of the types have similar descriptions. That’s because they have several traits in common. For example, the INFP is much like the INFJ because each is introverted (I), intuitive (N), and Feeling (F). They differ only in the Perceiving vs. Judging traits.
When under stress, each type has the tendency to overuse its strengths to the point where they sabotage their ability to cope. An example is the Introverted type. The person tends to withdraw when stressed out, avoiding the company of others. When this trait is carried to the extreme, the person becomes isolated and no longer enjoys feedback and support.
The Eight Introverted Types
ISTJ
For ISTJs, one way of losing out is to immerse themselves in too much detail. They may become so fixated on rules and minute details that they forget the overall meaning of an activity. A mother supervising a child’s birthday party may be so obsessed with a game and its rules that she forgets the purpose of the game—to have fun. In this way, she only communicates her stress to the children and no one has a good time. By focusing on the details of the game, she forgets the larger issue: fun.
In their effort to get the job done, ISTJs may overlook such niceties as “please” and “thank you.” By neglecting to make direct personal comments, they fail to show their appreciation to others.
Under stress, ISTJs may ignore the long-term implications of a project in favor of day-to-day realities. Because of their tendency to focus on short-term goals, they may lose sight of the overall purpose of their work. They rely too much on the standard way of doing things and neglect innovation, which is sometimes critical in this changing world. They also see errors more readily than successes, resulting in a doom-and-gloom attitude toward work.
ISTJs sometimes have difficulty recognizing their own emotions and values. As a result, they may be seen as insensitive and cold. As the stress from work situations heightens, so does the likelihood that ISTJs will explode, doing no one much good.
ISTP
Like all Myers-Briggs types, ISTPs under stress act in ways that depart from their usual style.
One of their problems is finding shortcuts when a project seems too long and difficult. By taking the easy way out, they can jeopardize successful completion, which makes them appear indifferent and unmotivated. When working on parts of a project that they enjoy, their work is usually competent and satisfactory. It’s the parts that frustrate or bore them that get them in trouble. If a homeowner is cultivating both a vegetable and flower garden behind the house, weeding the vegetable patmay be a much less gratifying job than tending the flowers. Later in the summer the family complains that they have fewer fresh vegetables than they expected, although the flower garden is lovely.
ISTPs may lose out when they keep important information to themselves, failing to inform others. When they do share they may focus on the faults and problems of the issue in question. As a result, others find themselves operating on incomplete information.
Because ISTPs are oriented to collecting new facts, they can get overwhelmed by all the information they have dug up. As a result, they may put off decision-making in order to keep their options open. This may give them the appearance of being indecisive and incompetent.
Finally, ISTPs may find themselves in trouble when they fail to complete old projects and instead move on to new ones. They sometimes have difficulty with perseverance and the ability to stay with undertakings until they have finished them. A boy who makes model airplanes loves having the final products but leaves many of the planes unfinished because the work gets too complex. His parents are disappointed that they’ve paid for so many kits and their son has so few completed airplanes to show.
ISFJ
One way ISFJs can lose out is by paying too much attention to the present status of problems and failing to seek options for a satisfactory solution. They can see the present clearly but not the possibilities for the future. Thus, they may get stuck in ruts and unable to find a way out. They focus on past negative experiences and apply them to the present problem. If, for example, the car is making a strange noise, they may remember a time when they threw a rod on an old automobile and assume that the same disastrous breakdown is about the occur, when actually a broken fan belt may be the only problem.
ISFJs attend to plan excessively. They want things to go a certain way and become discouraged if they turn out to be wrong. If things proceed satisfactorily, they may waste time looking for another potential problem. For example, they may get to an outdoor concert an hour in advance to find a good seat, and then, while they are waiting, worry about the chances of rain.
ISFJs may feel undervalued by others as a result of their quiet, self-effacing style. This may cause them to lose confidence when presenting their ideas in a group. They tend to minimize their own importance and contributions to an organization, so that everyone takes them for granted. They view their contributions as simply “doing their duty.” An employee presenting the progress of his project before a committee may minimizing her own contribution so no one realizes that she was instrumental in its success.
ISFP
In times of stress, ISFPs may overlook their own needs. Because they see others’ needs so clearly and they’re motivated to serve them, they may ignore their own requirements.
When a loved one is in the hospital with a serious condition, the ISFP is likely to put all his or her concerns aside in favor of staying with the loved one, keeping the spirits up of the rest of the family, and so on. If the hospitalization lasts long enough, the ISFP may get worn down and lose his or her positive attitude—becoming snappish and unhelpful.
Conflict is disagreeable to ISFPs and they try to avoid it at all costs. If they do engage in a confrontation, they may later feel like the disagreement was their fault. Even if the issues legitimately belong to the other party, they may feel hurt and withdraw rather than confront the person and “clear the air.”
ISFPs tend to accept the statements and opinions of others as valid. They are often gullible. Strong, manipulative, persuasive people may find them easy prey. Rather than buy into the views of others without question, ISFPs need to develop a more skeptical attitude and ways to analyze the words and actions of others more realistically.
Failing to appreciate their own contributions and accomplishments is another way ISFPs can lose out under stress. Because they are gentle types who focus internally, they suffer from self-criticism—which may not be apparent to the outside world. Without outside support from trusted friends and coworkers, their thoughts become negative and destructive. They need to appreciate their contributions more, although this may be difficult given their habitual modesty.
INFJ
Under stress, INFJs can lose contact with some of the unpleasant realities of life. They focus mainly on their idealist vision of how things should be, ignoring reality when it contradicts their views. Because of their single-minded, persistent view of how things should be, they don’t know when to cut their losses and move on. They may need help from supportive friends and coworkers in learning how to relax and let go of futile dreams.
Another way INFJs lose out is when they fail to act assertively and don’t share important ideas and insights with others. Because of their reluctance to intrude, many of their ideas are overlooked or underestimated. People who might have been able to support them have their hands tied because they were never included in the INFJ’s thinking process.
Another way INFJs can lose out is by focusing on facts that aren’t relevant to the situation at hand. They need to focus on which details are important and which aren’t. A female INFJ getting the house ready for a big party might find herself obsessing over everything. If, for example, she can’t find her embroidered guest towels she may enter a state of “melt down” until someone points out to her that no one ever uses them anyhow. The stress of her big party has made her temporarily unreasonable, prey to her drive for perfection.
INFJs hold their criticisms inside longer than they should because of their belief in the old saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” When the pressure mounts and their objections are stifled long enough, they can blow up. Trusted colleagues can help them focus on the overall concept in question and retreat from an attitude of blaming to one of acceptance and understanding.
INFP
One way that INFPs can lose out when under stress is by focusing on their dreams so intently that they’re blind to others’ points of view. They fail to adjust their unrealistic vision to the facts of reality. If they’re extremely out of touch, people might view them as almost mystical. An INFP who believe he has the solution to world problems can be brought back to Earth by questions regarding individual actions that can contribute to the goal.
Another problem for the INFP under stress is that they try to please too many people at once. They never refuse any one, with the result that they’re often overtaxed, sometimes to the point of being resentful. They also dislike conflict and will go to some lengths to avoid it. It’s not uncommon for them to give people the impression that they agree about an issue, when actually they are dead set against it. They need to get more tough-minded and assertive, learning how to give negative feedback tactfully but firmly.
INFPs may delay finishing projects because they’re holding out for a perfection that simply isn’t possible. They postpone action by focusing inward instead of reaching for resources outside themselves. Outside support can encourage them but also give realistic feedback concerning a project. Nothing has to be perfect. Something to start with is better than nothing at all. An employee preparing a brochure for his company may try to do the proofreading, graphics and layout to perfection when there are other professionals available to do these jobs. As a result, the project may be late, much to the annoyance of his supervisors.
Finally, INFPs, although generally modest and gentle, can become overly critical about everything that bothers them. Everyone around them seems irresponsible and incompetent, as the result of the INFPs internal feelings of stress. They lose the ability to see the situation logically, step back, and let their natural appreciation come forward. A man throwing a party for his business associates may find himself criticizing what his wife is wearing, how the table is set, the noise the children are making, and other bothersome details when the real culprit is his own anxiety.
INTJ
Some INTJs have trouble letting go of their expectations when they aren’t based on facts or current reality. They imagine they have the ability to predict the future—when they don’t. Their impractical ideas and goals may be so impractical that the INTJs seem to be living in a dream. Sometimes they’re so private about their vision that they fail to communicate with other people who will be affected by it or are necessary to make it happen. They need to learn when to give up on unrealistic dreams and solicit the input of others to help get them back on track.
An employee planning a going-away party for a co-worker may try doing everything herself—the announcements, music, refreshments, etc.—instead of enlisting the help of others in the company who have the expertise she needs. As a result, the party may come off as a half-finished affair.
Some INTJs have a certain model or way of living that they approve of and then criticize those who don’t fit the model. For example, people who are Democrats may be so fixated on their line of thinking that they can hardly make themselves speak to a Republican. They find it difficult to tolerate choices that don’t conform to their own. They need to filter out the single characteristic that offends them and focus on the person’s general merit, of which they may actually approve.
INTJs can also lose out by focusing on unimportant details. Their need to control all possible outcomes prevents them from attending to what’s really necessary. If they have bought their son a new suit to wear for special family events, they may not be satisfied until the pants are lengthened (or shortened) one quarter of an inch and they’ve found the perfect tie to go with the suit. The son could care less about a suit he doesn’t want to wear anyhow, so his parents’ perfectionism is wasted. They could have spared themselves the nagging over the issue of the dress suit.
INTJs may ignore the impact of their style on others. With their impersonal, independent approach to life, they think that others function best in the same kind of environment. Others may see them as detached, inflexible and logical—so much so that they’re afraid to approach the INTJ. When they find out that their style is alienating others, many are surprised. They need to learn to foster their relationships and make sure they show appreciation others.
INTPs
Because of their tendency to focus on the shortcomings of others, INTPs may be perceived as negative and arrogant. They may appear to be aloof and fault-finding and are surprised when they’re not liked by others.
The man whose spouse has just come home with a new dress and is asked his opinion may say something like, “It’s all right but I think the hemline is a little high.” He may have made this remark with the best of intentions, wanting only to be helpful, but his partner thinks he finds nothing attractive about the dress (because he didn’t say so) or he objects to her showing so much leg. She takes his comment personally and feels criticized and unappreciated.
Another way the INTP can lose out if by focusing on the small inconsistencies in a project or plan. They may even prevent the project from moving forward because they stall progressing one small step. They need to learn when to let go of trivial details that are of little consequence. To others, this tendency may lead them to believe that the INTP suffers from convoluted opinions outside the understanding of ordinary people. A woman preparing wedding invitations for her daughter may become so focused on the font used in the announcement none of the printer’s efforts please her. As a result, the project is late and the guests have very short notice.
INTPs can be their own worst critics as they hamstring themselves looking for the exact way to present their ideas perfectly. They can’t listen to praise because they know they could have done so much better. Focusing on their own flaws without outside support can even end up making them depressed. They need to discuss their feelings with other people who can provide more realistic, candid opinion.
Because INTPs are usually so conservative and quiet, their emotions—the least accessible part of themselves—can stay bottled up until the pressure is too great. Then they may explode in an unmanageable outburst and appear hypersensitive. Bystanders can be so overwhelmed by this unexpected display of feelings that they come to regard the INTP as unstable.
INTPs are especially susceptible when they can’t identify an objective cause for their emotions, which shouldn’t be disregarded simply because they seem illogical. Exploration of the emotions with a trusted supporter can pave the way to potential areas for growth.
When these introverts get back on track, they can be enjoyable to work and live with and tireless in following through on their commitments. By keeping their Myers-Briggs traits in a healthy balance, they can make the best of their work, leisure, and relationships.
As we gather information, make decisions, and deal with others in matters connected with our leisure, the personality types manage time in very different ways. This is probably the most obvious difference in the types. Extraverts manage their time so they can be in contact with others. Sensors are on a never-ending search for more information about possibilities, while Intuitives operate on less external data and make decisions about their free time based on their own hunches. Thinkers are logical and cool about their how to spend their leisure, focusing on their own goals more than those of others. Feelers depend upon the pleasure of others as well as themselves. Judgers look at the measurable aspects of free time, such as how many miles they have traveled in a day, while Perceivers focus on the enjoyable aspects of the trip.
The Perceiver, although often late for appointments, may be spot on time for an airline flight—knowing that the doors will close if they don’t arrive by the deadline. The Judger, although normally on time for all events, may decide to arrive late at a party that promises to last all night. Their orientation all depends on the circumstances. The Perceiver is capable of meeting deadlines without last-minute frenzy, and the Judger is capable of missing one from time to time.
A key element of time management relates to procrastination—putting off until tomorrow the things you could do today. Everyone procrastinates. Sometimes we get the impression that it’s the Perceivers who are most guilty—with their laid-back, flexible approach to life and their tendency to be late for deadlines, etc. Not so. There are ways and times when all types put off tasks.
Are you attracted to people of different Myers-Briggs types? This is natural. The novelty is appealing, even seductive. Over time, however, you (an Introvert, let’s say) may find that the gregarious, outgoing person you met and have started to date now gets on your nerves. These Extraverts, you think, spill all the beans the moment they meet someone. You hear yourself saying, “Do you have to tell your life story to everyone on the street?” The insult gets you nowhere, of course. The person is just following the mandates of his or her Myers-Briggs type.
Do you prefer people who are the same as you, or people who are different? If you’re like most people, you’re originally attracted to individuals who are different. Over time, however, you may find that the very traits that appealed to you, now get on your nerves. If you’re an American from San Diego attracted to a person from the Bronx, you may think the New York street accent delightful at first. Within six months, a New York accent may be the last thing you want to hear. You might even go as far as demanding the person modify his or her way of talking. If that demand seems too much for you or your friend, you may just wind up feeling alienated.
Because ISTJs have been responsible, loyal employees all their lives, they’re likely to be enjoy corresponding financial rewards. Thus, most of them enter retirement with investments in place and can look forward to having enough money through the years ahead. Their habits of taking responsibility never end, either in the home or in the community. The main thing is, they get the chance to enjoy hobbies, relationships, and time with friends and family that formerly were unrealistic because of all their work commitments.
For ISTPs, retirement is a time they’ve long looked forward to. In their working lives, there was never opportunity to pursue all their hobbies and other pursuits. A few postpone retirement if they get a great deal of satisfaction from their paid employment. Many have volunteer “careers,” which support their strong work ethic. Whatever ISTPs take up to pass the time, their absorption is so complete that they often forget to attend to mundane matters such as eating meals or meeting commitments they’ve made to friends and family.
ISFJs have usually done retirement planning in advance. Since they’ve made a habit of saving money most of their adult lives, it’s likely that they have enough to carry them through the years ahead without paychecks. During the years of retirement, ISFJs mostly focus on their children and families, taking part in their lives and helping out wherever they can. They enjoy customs and projects that emphasize the family heritage. Service work continues to be an important theme for them.
ISFPs continue to enjoy their friends and families. In their last years of employment, they look forward to retirement and spending more time with the people close to them. In retirement, ISFPs often find that they are loved and valued by the people who know them well. It’s a welcome time for them to enjoy the fruits of many well-tended relationships. They take pleasure in the simple activities of life—gardening, walking, reading, and so on. When grandchildren are being difficult they deal with them in a smooth, friendly, and encouraging way.
Because of their idealism and commitment to whatever career they’ve chosen, INFJs are likely to enjoy important positions of responsibilities by the time they retire. Financially, they may find their incomes and reserves in good shape without any previous careful strategic planning. They look forward to nurturing family relationships in the years ahead and seeing the foundations they have built for themselves to flourish. They treasure the increased leisure time to reflect and pursue their hobbies without interruption. They can also become further involved in interests they’ve developed but haven’t had much time for, such as writing.
INFPs in retirement need to look back and feel that their years of employment were worthwhile and had value for the people around them. It’s a time of life when they look forward to a variety of activities, such as travel. They may also strengthen their bond with family members and enjoy the opportunity to spend more leisure hours with them. Some grandparents enjoy special projects designed just for their grandchildren, such as writing stories about them, building a sandbox, and so on.
The life of the mind is always important to INTJs, during their years of employment and beyond. Some are so involved in their work that they don’t leave their jobs at age 65. If circumstances permit, they stay on, doing the same activities that engrossed them over the years. They have no time for frivolous pastimes or frivolous people. Scientists and others often continue to attend meetings relevant to their work and stay in touch with colleagues. INTJs with clear focus but few opportunities to socialize on the job may get lonely during retirement if they haven’t nurtured relationships with people who stimulate them.
As INTPs mature, they continue their quest for logical purity. Their hobbies reflect their intensity and purposefulness. Each hobby is thoroughly explored and its nuances worked out before the INTP moves on to the next activity. They are strongly cerebral, so whatever they do is matched by deep concentration and much thought. While their external world may have changed, their minds remain the same. Just because they no longer go to work doesn’t mean that their minds aren’t busy. Some onlookers may find that the INTP changes very little upon moving into retirement. They often continue activities that were previously important to them.
More confusion probably exists regarding Sensors (S) and Intuitives (N) than any other type. Extraverts (E) and Introverts (I) are easy to tell apart. So are Thinkers (T) and Feelers (F). The labels themselves are giveaways. Perceiving (P) and Judging (J) require a bit of observation to figure out. Is the person usually late for deadlines and appointments? Does he or she avoid making final decisions on things as long as possible? That’s typical of a Perceiver. Judging types rarely miss deadlines and are seldom late for appointments. They verge on compulsive. They make decisions easily because they prefer closure to open-ended situations. You don’t have to know the Judger or Perceiver for long to figure out which type they are. The Sensing and Intuitive types are more elusive.
ESTP elders continue to have the same characteristics they did when younger. Many of them choose to retire early so they’ll have more time to do the things that are fun. They like activities which require solving problems that are often difficult and tense. While they may take part in various organizations, they avoid leadership positions. Taking charge is not in their repertoire. They become involved mainly for the activities. When grandchildren arrive, the elders take pleasure in outings to the zoo, sports events, and so on. Children love their spontaneity and ability to improvise games on the spot.
Because ESTJs often have a long history in of employment, their financial needs may be taken care of. However, they’ve become so accustomed to work that the idea of full-time leisure may intimidate them. Unless they’ve developed personally during their younger years to include activities that are flexible and rewarding, they may find retirement difficult. Many compensate by learning to think in terms of priorities and start making lists. Removing the spontaneity factor and therefore absolved from dealing with the emotional content of activities is more comfortable. ESTJs are efficiency devotees. It something is not on their list, they forget about it even though it may be of immediate importance and others may try to sidetrack them.
In retirement, ESFPs continue their people-oriented life, keeping old friends and continuing to provide the amusement and comradeship of years past. They have an optimism that is contagious and draws others to them. When ESFPs have unfortunate experiences, they’re often able to look at the sunny side. While some nursing home residents despair about their futures, ESFPs are likely to enjoy new friends, freedom from responsibilities, and new activities to participate in. Because their friends of the past have enjoyed them so much over the years, they’re unlikely to abandon the friendship. The want to help out where they can.
ESFJ elders don’t change much in their relationships after retirement. They keep doing nice, thoughtful things for others, and their company is a pleasure. They continuing scheduling lunches and other outside activities with former colleagues. They make follow-up calls and send notes. If they have grandchildren, they’ll help the parents in any way they can—baby-sitting, picking up the children at school, taking them on outings, and so on. Whatever they can do for others around them to make experiences more enjoyable, they do. It makes them feel good that others appreciate their efforts.
ENFPs remain young in spirit as they age, maintaining characteristics from their youth such as a zestful enjoyment of life, curiosity, and enthusiasm. As a result, people of all ages, including children, enjoy their company. They look forward to retirement as a time when they’ll be free of the restrictions and boundaries of the work world and can take pleasure in activities for which they’ve never had enough time when employed. Because they look for possibilities before realities, some of their activities may not be considered age-appropriate, such as joining the Peace Corps. However, if they become disabled or suffer from lack of money, they may get depressed because of all the opportunities missed.
ENFJs leaving full-time employment often look for places to live where they have family and friends or other close personal ties. Relationships and values were always important to this type, but they become even more so in retirement. Many ENFJs who previously did service work on the job, look for similar opportunities on a volunteer basis. They do this gladly, believing that an important goal in life is to help others. One of the lessons many need to learn is to let others help them some of the time. They are so used to giving help that it’s hard for them to imagine accepting it. ENFJs go out of their way to encouraging their grandchildren, reading to them, helping them with homework, etc.
ENTP have many inspiring ideas and projects during their working years, and these continue into retirement. While they may not have planned financially for these years, they have certainly given a lot of thought to the types of things they dream of doing. However, money may be a problem. Since it’s likely that they’ve changed jobs a number of times, they may have no stable retirement income to depend upon. However, they remain enthusiastic about their ideas and may find other lucrative means of earning a living that use their ingenuity. Some start new businesses that generate enough income to support their interests in old age. The desire for challenge, newness, variety and change don’t disappear as the years pass.
All their lives, ENTJs have been rewarded with leadership positions at work and in community organizations. They have always had a strategy in which potential for future gain outweighs risks. Because they are hard drivers with strong goal orientation, the prospect of retirement and long lazy days may be daunting to them. Inactivity makes them restless and the thought of filling their time with nothing of consequence dismays them. The chances are that finances are no problem because their careers have been so successful. Many continue to work as consultants to the same firms where they were previously employed. Maintaining autonomy is one of their major retirement goals. They need to learn to rely on others some of the time even though it’s difficult for them.