Is Romance in the Air? INFJ Meets INFP
INFP and INFJ types are a alike in many ways. Both types are introverted (I), intuitive (N), and feeling (F). They have rich inner lives and treasure their solitude. Their intuition is highly developed, giving them the ability to see what’s going on under the surface. They understand why people do the things they do. Because they see through facades and games, deceivers and players can seldom fool them for long. INFPs and INFJs examine every piece of evidence for its fundamental truth and then seek the wider context into which it fits.
As idealists, both types drive themselves to achieve their goals, which are frequently humanitarian. If they don’t have the luxury of choosing careers that meet their needs, they spend much of their spare time helping others. Their values are strong and their principles firm—unless they find a valid reason to change them. Their biggest question is, “What’s my purpose?” This quest helps them form a close bond together.
INFPs and INFJs set such high standards for themselves that they’re often disappointed in the results of their work. Because they don’t give themselves enough credit, they need each other’s support. One encourages the other.
They protect their privacy. When they’re not allowed enough time alone, they feel drained. They need solitude to recharge their batteries and get their energy back. As friends and partners, they understand this and are usually generous about giving each other space.
Both are somewhat prone to depression. Their introversion inclines them to be loners, giving them the tendency to brood over problems without checking the facts with others. Their feeling preference inclines them to exaggerate the importance of conflicts or hurt feelings.
Both types are generally well liked due to their warmth and sincerity. They make good listeners, put others at ease, and are valued as friends and confidantes.
Friendship
The intuitive skills shared by the INFP and INFJ form their strongest bond. They usually agree on important matters. Due to differences in their perceiving and judging functions, however, they don’t always carry out practical tasks in the same way. The INFP may start a painting project, then leave it half-finished—intending to finish at a more convenient time. INFJs aren’t happy until the job is complete.
As intuitive individuals, they sift through their experiences to discover their meaning. How does the evidence fit into the big picture? People with a sensing preference, whose intuition is less developed, tend to accept things at surface value. They see no point in overthinking matters. As a result, they may fail to appreciate the insights and predictions of INFPs and INFJs—sometimes at their peril.
INFPs and INFJs frequently have compatible careers requiring verbal skills. They cooperate and communicate effectively with others. Often they hold medical or social service jobs. Their sharp intuition helps them solve problems, their feeling function encourages people to trust them, and their introversion gives them time to contemplate the complex factors in situations. They prefer careers that don’t emphasize details but focus on patterns. These similarities give them a lot in common as friends.
While both types get along with others, group projects frustrate them. They get annoyed by people who don’t live up to their standards or fail to see the big picture. They generally remain polite, but inside they may be seething. When an INFP and INFJ collaborate on projects, they may have conflicts over deadlines as the former dawdles while the latter pushes to finish on time.
Taking on too much to please others is a problem they have in common. Also, they may give others the impression that they agree on the details of a project when in fact they do not. This is true of them as friends as well as participants in the larger community. They need to assert themselves more and learn to be honest, giving negative feedback when it’s important.
Romance
When INFPs fall in love with INFJs, the natural reserve of the former makes it hard for them to express their affection in words. It’s a little easier for the INFJ, who can also be shy but is better at taking action. Both can be eloquent in their physical expressions of love. As lovers, they are tender and creative. This helps keep the relationship anchored.
The two types are sensitive and easily hurt. One or the other can easily misinterpret a casual statement, offhand action, or forgotten promise and feel rejected. When one says, “I’ll be late tonight” as he or she leaves the house and means nothing more than that, the other may give the statement a sinister interpretation. To avoid bruised egos, they need to remember the importance of frequent reality checks.
Both tend to overdramatize situations and ignore the simple facts. When a disagreement comes up, they can get out of touch with each other. They have to release their ego investment and back-pedal in order to find common ground.
They tend to be absent-minded, too, which can be annoying for everyone. Where are the house keys? Did anyone let the cat in this morning? What time were we supposed to be there? Both are likely to shrug and say they don’t know.
Fortunately, they’re tolerant of each other because they share the inability to recall the concrete details of life. Such mundane matters don’t hold their attention.
Home Life
As parents, both types listen attentively to each other and their children, although INFJs are slightly less patient because of their judging function. They’re more likely to interrupt a conversation to see where it’s going. The INFP is content to listen without closure. INFPs wait to think about what’s been said before deciding what to do.
They avoid conflicts. Under normal conditions, they’re courteous and respectful, seldom raising their voices. When a problem comes up, they talk it over. The difference is that INFJs have a stronger need to decide who’s right and who’s wrong, while the INFP’s main goal is to preserve good will in the family. Both get rattled by conflict, but the INFJ is more likely to stand his or her ground on critical issues.
When it’s time for a vacation, INFJ parents are generally the chief planners. Their inclination to arrange details before checking them out with the family can cause problems, but after they’ve set off, the parents have no problem giving everyone time alone. After all, they want that, too. When the family re-gathers, they relax and have fun.
Nurturing their children comes naturally to INFPs and INFJs. They are patient, devoted, and protective parents. However, when friction arises over, say, a child’s behavior, they tend to keep their objections to themselves longer than they should. Eventually the INFJ in particular is likely to blow up.
Secrets of Success
INFPs and INFJs whose four Myers-Briggs functions are healthy and well developed can accomplish great things, although they are generally humble about them. Respect for personal boundaries is an important key to success for the INFJ/INFP couple. Each has strong needs for privacy along with their need for mutual support.
The diagram shows how INFJs and ISTJs handle this type of decision. The triangle represents a construct—the prospect of buying a canoe. (The dictionary defines “construct” as “an idea or theory containing various conceptual elements.”) The green circle at the top of the triangle represents the INFJ, who, as an intuitive (I), generally approaches ideas from the top down, looking at the whole before investigating the parts. The red circle at the bottom represents the ISTJ, who, being a sensing (S) type, looks at bottom-line details first and then decides whether they fit into a larger construct. The question is, how do the two Myers-Briggs types meet in the middle?
As children, ISFJs are generally well behaved. They’re little trouble to their parents and teachers. They want to know what’s expected of then, and they quietly follow through. Even when asked to make sacrifices, ISFJ kids take pride doing the right thing. In school, they stick with a few close friends and avoid conflict.
ISFP kids are quiet and kind. Because they avoid the spotlight, their many gifts may be overlooked. They are compassionate not only with other people, but also with animals—and indeed with all living things. They’re easy to like and attract other kids as friends. When arguments arise, they act as peacemakers.
INFJs are complex, even as young children. While they can be outgoing at times and involved with other kids, they’re also quiet and creative, caught up in their private worlds. They’re gentle and dislike violence and cruelty, whether in games or in real life.
INFP children are daydreamers, creating their own fantasy worlds. They are quiet, especially in new situations. Sometimes their parents worry whether they’re sufficiently grounded in reality. These kids enjoy getting lost in books. They learn to write at an early age.
The independent natures of INTJ children are apparent early in life. They like to daydream and get caught up in ideas of how the world should be. They can be rebellious when told things that contradict what they believe. INTJs make their own rules and boundaries.
As children, INTPs often enjoy their own thoughts more than the company of other kids. They generally read a lot, going out to play only when invited. INTPs are full of questions, many times challenging parents and teachers with their observations. More than most children, INTPs enjoy inventing things and finding unusual pastimes not typical of kids their age.
ISTP children have two sides—one that observes the world and one that takes action. The observer likes to sit quietly and watch what’s going on, absorbing all the details. These kids want to know what make things tick, taking them apart to see how they work. Children of this type who play outdoors a lot are frequently experts on bugs, snakes, and other wildlife.
As children, ISTJs are well behaved and quiet. They function best in an environment that’s ordered and structured. With their well-developed sense of responsibility, ISTJs do best when given schedules to follow. They want to get their work done before they play. Around new people, they’re cautious and often uneasy until they get to know them. When ISTJs know what to expect, they’re more relaxed.
Mother Teresa was an ISFJ, a type called the “Protector.” True to her personality type, she was caring, down-to-earth and dependable. Working in the slums of Calcutta, India, she founded a charity that ran homes for the dying. Like most ISFJs, she was compassionate and dedicated to helping others.
Bobby Fischer, world chess champion. was an INTJ—a Myers-Briggs personality type called the “Mastermind.” He was a brilliant and creative strategist, but a difficult man. Like many INTJs, he sometimes seemed so confident of himself as to appear overbearing. True to his type, he liked to design models based on theories he’d developed.
The foremost advocate of 
The INTP “Problem-Solver” personality type, Marie Curie discovered radium in 1898. True to type, she was quiet and modest. Exacting in her work, she was the first woman to win the Nobel Prize. Like most INTPs, she adopted an approach to life and work that was intellectual and independent. She was intensely private.
Princess Diana, beloved by millions, was an INFP noted for her compassion and global philanthropy. INFPs are soft-spoken idealists who dedicate themselves to helping others. They avoid conflict and try not to create waves, but when they see people behaving unkindly, they can become surprisingly assertive.
David Bowie was an ISFP, a personality type called the “Artist.” He was a world-famous singer, songwriter and actor with a reputation as a flamboyant celebrity onstage. In private, Bowie was like most ISFPs—a gentle, modest human being. He had a natural curiosity that fueled his creative spirit.
An ISTP, the Dalai Lama is a famous Buddhist leader. True to his personality type, he is practical, reserved, and expresses himself in deeds. He is an independent man with an analytical mind. His enterprising, adventurous spirit were evident in his flight to India after the Chinese invaded his homeland, Tibet.
Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, is an ISTJ. As a political leader, she is organized, objective and demanding. While ISTJs know how to be gracious and articulate in social situations, at heart they are independent, private types. They don’t make decisions without first collecting detailed information.
An ENTJ personality type called the “Leader,” Bill Gates has always been decisive and strategic, willing to challenge old ideas and attract other people to his causes. ENTJs can be demanding, but they’re also objective and fair. Bill Gates built an empire based on his leadership skills and ability to innovate.
With her outgoing, enthusiastic personality, ENFJ Oprah understands people. True to type, she’s articulate and tactful. ENFJs have the interpersonal skills to make others want to join them to make things happen. The ENFJ is idealistic, compassionate, and shows integrity in everything he or she does.
As the “Supervisor” ESTJ type, Margaret Thatcher was the first female prime minister of England—a decisive, organized woman. Like most ESTJs, Thatcher was direct, objective and often impersonal. She based her plans of action on logic and past experience, monitoring progress every step of the way.
A congenial, tactful ESFJ, Barbara Walters is an American media star. Compassion and thoroughness are her hallmarks. Called the “Caretaker,” this personality type places a high value on harmony. The cooperative nature of ESFJs make them naturals for drawing out other people while respecting their sensitivities and needs.
Steven Spielberg, famous Hollywood director, is an ESFP, a personality type called the “Performer.” Spielberg has been honored in many countries for his ground-breaking films. He is outgoing, flexible and observant. With his lighthearted approach to life, like most ESFPs he is generous with his time and money.
As a Myers-Briggs ENTP, Barack Obama is outspoken, creative, and analytical. Congenial ENTPs have a sixth sense for the needs of others and go out of their way to help them. The interpersonal skills of this personality type attract others. They’re able to unite people to work for their causes.
True to his Myers-Briggs personality type, ENFP, Walt Disney was creative and independent—a pioneer of animated films. Like most ENFPs, he was congenial, insightful, and versatile. His ability to identify with others was almost uncanny, as made evident from his wide range of film characters.
As an ESTP personality type called the “Promoter,” John F. Kennedy was persuasive, energetic, and easy-going. This Myers-Briggs type is practical and action-oriented, always ready to join in whatever is happening. True to type, Kennedy was direct in his politics, mincing no words while being tactful with those around him.
